This was my beautiful little Gigi. She died on March 3. I was devastated. Which I thought was weird because I was considering giving her back to the shelter because her aggression never went away. She had attacked me (involving blood dripping down my leg!) one week before her demise.
On Friday, March 2, I sat down to eat lunch at 2 p.m., and let her go outside. She would normally stay on my front porch, or my back yard. She headed out into the back yard (seen in photo). At 2:45 p.m., I heard howling at my front door. She was laying here, with her mouth agape, breathing very quickly and shallowly. She tried to come in the house, but her back legs were paralyzed. I called the vet whose first thought was that she had been hit by a car. But she hadn’t. I loaded her into the cat carrier for another one of those final rides.
The vet first tried to get her breathing under control. #1 is always airway. He kept her overnight, but told me he may be calling me anytime…. because he did not expect her to live. He thought, after seeing her, that she had been poisoned.
The next morning, she was breathing, but still paralyzed. I went in to the animal hospital to see her and she was completely miserable. I could not make her endure this suffering. The veterinarian agreed with me. Thank God he is an AA friend and was so kind to me. Hugs are very good when going through this agonizing decision.
I stayed with her until her last breath. It was horrifying. Absolutely the worst thing I have ever seen an animal go through.
I opted to not get her blood tested because I didn’t want her to have one more ounce of misery in this life. Now I wish I had. I really wish I knew what happened to her in 45 minutes on a sunny Friday afternoon that turned her from a healthy kitty to a dying cat. But I don’t know. I thought I could let go of the idea that someone poisoned her, but I haven’t.
Devastation. I was utterly devastated. And I wondered why. But I think I figured it out. I loved that cat. I wouldn’t have kept her otherwise because she was a complete menace! The other part was how shocking her death was, really awful.
There is a lot going on in my life. A lot of family stuff.
There is also a whole lot of joy. A whole lot of peace. I am meeting with a spiritual director and she has me doing meditation every single day. And then writing about it. It is amazing to meditate on scripture and then write about it. And then paint about it. Yes, my spiritual journal is a watercolor book!
I ran into my old psychiatrist at work yesterday and I was so happy to tell him that I am feeling very very good. He was happy to hear it. He saved my life 5 years ago when I was going through the worst depression! He thinks my saying he saved my life is hyperbole. Whatever, I know what I know. And I know he saved my life.
And I am getting ready for a trip to Hawaii!!!!!!! I am beyond excited!