This is my swimming data from yesterday.  It’s pretty bad.  I used to swim 750 meters in less than 25 minutes without even trying.  Thank God I still like swimming because that will make it easier to put in the training to get better.

Tonight I will run for a half hour after I get home from work.  I feel like I am on track and that’s a good thing.  

Taking public transportation to work has also been a Godsend.  It is infinitely better than driving.  I have one stretch on light rail, one in commuter rail, and one 3 mile stretch on a local bus that takes longer than the other two that get me 25 miles across town.  I don’t like the bus portion.  And I will just say that the fact that I am usually the only white person on it does contribute to that.  Go ahead and judge me if you must.  

Spring is finally here.  I slept with the window open a crack last night and that is my idea of good times.  I really feel so much better from May through October.  

It’s a good day to be alive & sober.  Thank you God.

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Training notes

The photo is from a morning last week, waiting for the light rail to take me to the train to take me to the bus that takes me to work.  How wonderful not to drive!

I have decided to write about my tri training here.  I do better when I am accountable to a plan, a journal, a log, a friend, a blog.  I am in the worst shape, I need to use any trick I can.

This morning I got up at 4:45 and went swimming.  It was phenomenal.  My time wasn’t good, but it wasn’t bad either.  I feel really good about it.  I was going to ride my bike after work today, but I’m not sure when I’ll get out of here.  I don’t want to hurt myself either ūüöī.

I just went through and re-read the past year of blog entries and it confirms what I thought – I reallllly realllly want to be retired.  And I will be in eight short months.  I cannot wait!  

Happy to be training again.  Happy to see the sunrise this morning – and it took all the self-restraint I had not to stop and take a photo.  I kinda wish I had though.

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First Monday in May

Just starting my training for an August Triathlon.  I am severely out of shape.  Did my first brick workout last weekend.  5 miles on the bike followed immediately by a one mile run.  Cuz those distances are actually challenging to me now.  I have a lot of work to do in the next 3 months.  

My mountain bike is my friend.  It is so much less scary than a road bike.  It feels stable and secure.  Last year I could not ride at all because I was recovering from a broken arm.  Now I can ride again.  

When I went for the first ride, I felt elation, serious elation.  It wasn’t just that I was doing something I love and have missed.  It felt like I was tapping back into my identity.  My real self.  The self I really really enjoy being.  Not the old worker who is tired all of the time, but the happy woman in the sunshine.  

I don’t care how hard I’m breathing, I am breathing, and I’m doing something and being someone I love.  

I think I decided yesterday to retire in December regardless of where I am with paying off debt.  I spoke with an acquaintance after mass yesterday and she looked stricken when I told her I am not enjoying my new job.  She looked at me and sincerely asked why I don’t quit if I don’t like it.  Good question.  I think I have fallen back into the trap of living a life I don’t enjoy.  Which translates, to me, As “I don’t trust God, I must provide for myself.”  

I am truly grateful that the snow will end soon and there will be sunshine and flowers in my life again.  And I have lots of activities to get back in the sunshine for.  

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Utah, USA


That tiny dot in the middle of Delicate Arch is me.  It took an Act of God and the kindness of strangers to get me there as I am terrified of heights, and getting there required a walk on a rock ledge with a cliff to one side.  And walking across all that steeply sloping rock was disconcerting.  
Sober girl at our first turn-out.  She was so happy to be with all those rocks!

Me & daughter at Mesa Arch.  
Island in the Sky at Canyonlands National Park.

 Daughter in front of a nameless arch at Arches National Park.

We had a great time, just too short.  Found a great hotel at about half the price of the chain hotel I usually book.  Daughter and I SO needed the time in the quiet open sunny dry air.  

It was almost magical.

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Inspired by a blog…

I registered for a triathlon yesterday.  I have done this race four or five times over the IMG_6048years.  It is one of those big, feel-good, women only races.  It is full of womanly camaraderie.  Sisterhood.  Not my normal thing.  But I like it better than the one co-Ed race I did.

Now I have registered for a couple of races in the last few years that I have never trained for or competed in.  I pray I will actually train for and complete this one.

Yesterday at my computer at work, I decided it was worth the $100 registration just for this moment’s motivation. ¬†Just to have something to focus on in these snowy spring days. ¬†These days that feel long.

Tomorrow I head out with my sober daughter for a road trip.  YAY.

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What Gratitude Can be Found Today?


Some day I will hike in the sunshine again.  The hours in confined, windowless spaces may make me more grateful for this.

Yesterday I wanted to write a note to my future self “Be grateful whenever you can walk outside at will.” ¬†I was at an all day “retreat” at a home. ¬†It was SO NOT a retreat. ¬†I was seated at a dining room chair all day. ¬†In a stuffy house. ¬†With a bunch of people who understand huge data systems and computers and clouds, while I do not. ¬†I felt like a child at a boring adult event, bla bla bla, not understanding the “grown-up” things they were talking about. ¬†For a whole day, I had a minute or two of something to say.

Oh yeah, back to gratitude:

  • I can afford to hire someone to clean up the huge limbs hanging off the tree in my front yard.
  • Taking a trip this weekend with my daughter. ¬†We always have fun.
  • We will have sunshine.
  • Tanning lotion for my day-glo white legs.
  • I will retire again.
  • Friends who call/text in the middle of the day.
  • One friend who is sober now a year and a half, the age of miracles is among us.
  • My daughter is sober. ¬†Oh, thank you GOD!
  • After the years of my sobriety, I know I will survive this time.
  • It is all good.

God is Good.


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Easter Monday


Last week we got clobbered with a blizzard, so these flowers got buried in snow, and remain so.  Apparently we are expecting more snow today.  And Wednesday.

There is a planned trip to Utah this weekend, but we are discussing postponing it for a week, when maybe the weather will be better to go over the mountains, and will be warmer in the desert sun.  Not sure yet.

Again, so tired that I cried this weekend. ¬†Trying to clean the bathroom, while sobbing. ¬†“I’m too tired, I can’t do this, I don’t care if this damn toilet is clean, etc.” ¬†The girls came for dinner, and it was nice. ¬†It was also very sad. ¬†The grandkids are all in Montana. ¬†My daughter’s daughters are far far away and she is hurting.

And I feel like the latest victim in this new “War on drugs.” ¬†My back is horrible, has been for over 20 years. ¬†I used to have a standing prescription for Vicodin. ¬†I would take them, as needed, one half pill at a time. ¬†Never more than one a day. ¬†Never. ¬†My heart’s desire is to be sober. ¬†Not to be all jacked up on pills. ¬†But when in pain, a half a Vicodin is a wonderful thing.

About a year ago, Kaiser put a new protocol in place. ¬†Signing a contract. ¬†Submitting to random UAs. ¬†Etc. ¬† I said “Hell NO.” ¬†I told my doc they needed to treat my pain. ¬†His idea of treating pain was telling me to take ibuprofen until my stomach was ruined. ¬†At which time he diagnosed “GERD,” and prescribed Prilosec. ¬†That’s when I changed docs. ¬†The new one gave me a “prescription” for yoga, weight training, and interval training. ¬†I am doing that. ¬†And also shoveling snow.

And now I am in so much pain I can’t sleep at night. ¬†I am damn tired. ¬†And in pain. ¬†And this is the way it must be.

Enough complaining from me.  Another week.  More money in the bank.  There is a very STRONG financial recovery happening here.  It is worth it.  I can now say for the first time since 2010:

I owe no taxes.  Not to the Feds.  Not to the State.

Unless you have ever owed taxes, you may not realize the full impact of this.  It is a wonderful freedom.

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