So Sick

IMG_1893.JPGI have got a terrible cold.  I have thought perhaps it was the flu because I have been in bed or on couch since Sunday afternoon.  But I had my flu shot, and I seriously don’t want to have the flu, because I need for this to be over – STAT!

I think this is where my more negative attitude was coming from last week.  Looking forward so much to having my “normal” life back soon.  Oh, it is so good.

(photo is kitty keeping me company)

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Saturday Morning

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Went over to Red Rocks a couple of days this week to do the stairs.  It is such a good workout, and restorative mentally as well.  The mountain air, the other people, and the history of the place are very special.

(I am realizing, with horror, that I write like our president talks, lots of adjectives, not many substantive descriptions.  I will apply my former skill at writing and pay more attention to what I am doing.  OK?  I promise you, many are saying it will be tremendous, and I will make my blog great again.  Millions love it, I have heard it is the best blog in the blogosphere.)

I thought I would post today to break up the tedium of my post-retirement happy, happy posts.  This is one of the days when I don’t feel so peaceful and joyous, though most days I feel downright ecstatic at the idea of never working again.

There are many household tasks that are not getting done.  I have several phone calls to make that I have been procrastinating for weeks or even months.  There is a rocking chair on my front porch that was painted white many years ago – until a hail storm beat most of the white off of it.  I kept it in the garage for years, waiting to be painted, but dragged it back out for a halloween decoration.  It is a disaster not attractive and makes the house look like a loser lives here somewhat unkempt.  The fence in my back yard needs to be painted.  Perhaps I should build a wall instead and get Mexico to pay for it?

The days seem to evaporate.  There are times, like this morning, when I feel that I am a loser accomplishing nothing.  The days of feeling like I am resting and recouping from a long career seem to be over.

Yesterday one of my AA acquaintances told me it took him 9 months to get his bearings after he retired.  It is now 3 months for me.  Perhaps I can give it 6 more months to see how it feels.

Gosh, it sounds like I should use today to paint that silly rocking chair.  If I get it done, I will post the picture of the tremendous chair!

 

Posted in Junk-blogging, Retirement | 4 Comments

Friday

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This is a photo from my outing the other day.  I was mostly on trails, walking and running. In this photo, you can see Red Rocks Amphitheater in the center.  It always amazes me to see it, just sitting there.

I might work on sewing a blouse today.  I bought the fabric and pattern about a month ago, and they are just sitting on my sewing machine waiting.  The sweater took a lot of time and effort, so I didn’t feel I could start another project at the same time.  Except of course for the pair of socks I am knitting.  Socks, I love knitting socks.  They were relief knitting.  The sweater was intense.  Socks are comforting.

It sort of amazes me that I worked so hard for so long and in the end, I get to do what I always wanted.  I always wanted to be a housewife.  I am not good at being married, so that had to be abandoned.  But now after all the years I have worked, I have a pension and am providing for myself without working… and I get to be a homemaker.  I always felt that was my highest calling.

Seems anachronistic in this world of Women’s Rights, and Women’s Grand Accomplishments.

I am grateful that I got to get an education, I am glad to look at the wall and see my Bachelors and Masters degrees.  I am glad that I had a wonderful career for as long as I did.  And then I am incredibly grateful that somehow I hung in there for the last 5 or so years when it was not enjoyable at all.  Being in the workplace as a 60+ woman was as unpleasant as anything else I have ever done.

And now I am thrilled, absolutely thrilled, that I get to go to a meeting and church in the morning.  That I get to come home and decide what I am going to do after that.  Today I may start that blouse.  Or I may go to the yarn shop and decide on my next knitting project.  Which must be a bright colored thing that may have lace, but may not have structure.  No sleeves to pick up and knit.  No side seams.  No neckline to pick up. I just want to knit something beautiful that is fun to knit.

I am more grateful than words could begin to express.  God has been so very good to me.

Posted in Gratitude, History, Retirement | 6 Comments

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I finished the sweater last night!  YAY!  I actually like it and it actually fits!  I took a lot of time with this one and really worked on getting it right, not just “good enough.”  It is not the most flattering thing in the world, but I still love it.

I am giving a talk tonight on eye-cons.  (sorry about the misspelling). I am not really ready, and I need to do some studying so I can actually sound like I know what I am talking about.  I know I could talk knowledgeably about the process, but not so much about a general overview of them.  I am sure I have the resources right here in my home to study up and not feel foolish.  (I hope)

Today is warm, even if windy.  I plan to take a bike ride this afternoon.  Wondering how I can get ready for an Olympic distance triathlon in July.  I can if I work at it.  I just need a new bike.  And I don’t want to spend the money.  One of the local bike shops is having a 70% off sale this weekend, perhaps I shall stop by and see if I can grab a bike for under $1,000.

It’s all good.  I have such joy in my heart to have reached this stage in life.  I never would have even dreamed of having a life so sweet.

In fairness, though, I feel I need to share a revelation I have had.  I do get stressed out.  I do get unhappy from time to time.  I have realized that these things are not caused by external situations.  They are because I am inclined to feel these ways.  I have gotten stressed out about the sweater I was knitting (see above).  I did it with a group and it was supposed to be done by yesterday.  I was killing myself to try to get it done, and then they extended the deadline to next week!  So silly.

Thank God I have a program to deal with my own foibles.  It is such a blessing.

Posted in Knitting, Retirement, Training | 8 Comments

Finding Myself

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Yes, Birkenstocks with hand knit socks.  The Birkenstocks are new.  The socks are probably close to 20 years old… from the last period in my life when I might have thought Birkenstocks were stylish.  I ordered the birks (from Nordstrom because all things being equal – free shipping, large selection – why not?) after falling in my house while making my bed – because my foot got tangled up in a flip flop. And down I went!  Now, THAT sounds like the problem of an old person – except that I have always fallen fairly regularly.  My cure for that is trail running because it is so good for your balance and quickly responding to changes in the surface your on.   And now I am doing yoga too.  Why Birkenstocks?  I think they are steady and secure.

It’s been so long since I had the freedom to dress however the heck I want that I don’t even know what I want anymore.  I told a few people I was going to dye my hair purple after I retired, but I really don’t want to have purple hair and it took me so long to grow out my natural color, which I think is beautiful.  Light brown with big white streaks.  I love it.

Blue jeans and technical tee shirts seem to be what I wear most days.  When I am not in some specific work out clothes.  I actually bought a yoga shirt that is beautiful.  I can wear that with little purple yoga pants.  And it is a thrill for me.

Because I have lost weight.  I hate to write about this, but I have lost weight.  I wear a different size.  I can wear things I only dreamed of before – like the yoga top and pants.  I went into a fitting room at a store two weeks ago with a pair of RED pants that were a size I have not worn since the 1980s, I felt that someone would come along and tell me “Excuse me Ma’am, those pants are NOT for you, let me steer you to the WOMEN’s sizes.”  No one stopped me from trying them, and no one stopped me from purchasing them when they fit!

Tonight is the last class in the 16 week program I took to lose this weight.  I have been discouraged because after the initial 10 lbs. or so, I have been losing about a pound a week. This is a HARD food and exercise program to ONLY lose one pound a week.  I have whined, I have complained, I have wished I could get my money back and quit.  But at the end of 16 weeks, I am no longer pre-diabetic, and I wear size 10 pants.  And I weigh less than I have since 1995.

I have lost and gained so much weight over my lifetime that I hate to even acknowledge this weight loss, because I am afraid I am arrogant and therefore will gain it all back and more.  It’s happened so many times.

But my life is different now.   I must get the confidence that I can do this or I will not be able to.  One of the most wonderful things about retirement is my Medicare supplemental, which includes Silver Sneakers.  I feel like that makes me sound feeble and ancient.  BUT I can go to almost any gym, sign up for free, and take their classes, use their pools, and other lovely services, such as hydro-massage chairs.  How awesome is that?

It’s Monday and I love Mondays.  Always have, even through most of my career when I still liked my job.

 

Posted in Aging, Clothes, Hair, Health, Retirement | 2 Comments

Snowy Morning at Home

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This is the sweater I have been working on for the last six weeks.  It is a lovely shade of blue-grey.  I have not once taken a photo that shows its true color.  I am dreadfully sick of knitting it.  I have one shoulder on the front and then the sleeves left to knit.  I don’t think it will take more than a week or two (tops) to get it done.  Then I will work on small projects that I enjoy immensely.  With colorful colors that I love.  No grey for a while – or ever.

It is 7:30 a.m., it is snowing, the roads are horrendous.  And I get to stay home.  I can hear my neighbors scraping ice off their cars that weren’t in their garages.  I can hear people chipping away at ice on their driveways and sidewalks.  And I get to stay home.  In a moment I will sit down in front of the fireplace and finish the front of this sweater.

What a delicious way to spend a morning.

I am tempted to write about a woman I sponsor, but better not.  I’ll just say, I don’t understand coming to the program because you need it – desperately – and arguing with words in the big book and the concept of a higher power that is referred to as “he” and “him.”  To me that screams “I still think I am full of good ideas, and need to assert my superior intelligence.”  Which screams to me “WARNING!  WARNING!”

I am so sick of seeing people I love drink again and die.  It’s almost more than I can stand.

Let no one deceive himself.  If any one among you thinks that he is wise in this age, let him become a fool that he may become wise.  For the wisdom of this world is folly with God.

— 1 Corinthians 3:18-19

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7 Weeks Into my New Life

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I got a new computer yesterday and this is the first thing I am writing with it!  I haven’t got the photos figured out, hence this is not the photo I wanted to use.  But there is a limit to how much time I want to spend right now.  Note:  I very seldom take a photo of the front view of my house because of the house to the left in the photo.  Purple.  Purple, and the man who lives there has decided to cover the window in the garage with a Broncos Blanket – mostly orange!  Tres Elegante!

I am seven weeks into retirement.  Sometimes it has been so uneventful that I worry I will be bored.  Those days are few and far between.  Other days I am so tired (like today) that I wonder how I will ever get any rest when my life has little structure and I tend to completely fill every second.  Most days I wake up overwhelmed with gratitude for this stage in my life and amazement that I ever got here.

On February 5, on my way home from church, I was involved in an accident and totaled my beloved car (2010 Rav4).  Someone ran a red light and the truck in front of me slammed on his brakes.  I slammed on my brakes, but the car behind me failed to even notice there was a stopped car in front of him and slammed into me, forcing me into the truck ahead of me.   The witnesses said I stopped, but by the time the police arrived they changed their story and said I did not stop.  And I got a ticket and a court date.

I found the experience terrifying.  The drivers of the two cars I was sandwiched in between got out and started screaming at each other in Spanish.  I have no idea what was going on.  I thought I was having a heart attack.  But I wasn’t.  I have whiplash and a concussion, but I consider myself extremely fortunate.  And now I drive a new 2017 Rav4, and will have payments for many years to come.  Oh well.

Most days I go to the 6:30 a.m. AA meeting, followed by Mass at 8:00.  I am in the last week of my weight loss class, so I spend time doing homework for that.  I knit a LOT.  I meet friends for meals.  I go to the gym, or out for hike.  It is a good schedule.

OH!  And I got my lipid panel and A1c done last week.  Early this week I got the results.  My lipid panel was excellent as I expected.  But the thrill is that after 4 months of this diet, my A1c is NORMAL for the first time since my doc first ordered one 2 years ago.  I am delighted to no longer carry the diagnosis of “pre-diabetic.”

I have a volunteer job at my church starting later this year.  We have a meeting to talk about it tomorrow.  I am very very excited about it.  It is something I love and am very passionate about.  I feel at this point, I need to be careful not to write too much about it.

My hope is to start blogging consistently again.  I have said it before though and then not followed through.  It is such a pleasure to have an actual computer after years of using an iPad.

Some days I feel I need to pinch myself to see if this is really my life.  It is beyond anything I ever imagined.

Never be in a hurry; do everything quietly and in a calm spirit.  Do not lose your inner peace for anything whatsoever, even if your whole world seems upset.

St Francis DeSales

Posted in Gratitude, Health, Rest, Retirement | 3 Comments