Today I celebrate 35 years of continuous sobriety. I am so very grateful to a loving God and to Alcoholics Anonymous.
A month or so ago, I had another nightmare about my former husband. This time we were living in a hovel, I had come home from work to find there was no furniture, he had left, which was fine, except – I was on the lease. And on and on in the dream.
I woke up and had to tell myself over and over again that we are divorced and have been for 25 years. I still couldn’t shake the fear, so I got up.
I walked into the living room and looked around. I started to cry with gratitude. The moonlight was shining in the windows, and my house was lit with the softest most beautiful light. I stood in my living room and cried.
Because in that moment, I realized all that I have. All that has been given to me. How God has carried me through every single crisis, every single depression, every drop of anxiety, and all my worry was for naught. God had me all those years, and he still holds me in the palm of his hand.
God has been so very good to me.
The Lord is compassion and love, slow to anger and rich in mercy. His wrath will come to an end; he will not be angry for ever. He does not treat us according to our sins nor repay us according to our faults. For as the heavens are high above the earth, so strong is his love for those who fear him. As far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our sins.