Morning prayer and meditation on a recent camping trip

Today I celebrate 35 years of continuous sobriety.  I am so very grateful to a loving God and to Alcoholics Anonymous.

A month or so ago, I had another nightmare about my former husband.  This time we were living in a hovel, I had come home from work to find there was no furniture, he had left, which was fine, except – I was on the lease.  And on and on in the dream.

I woke up and had to tell myself over and over again that we are divorced and have been for 25 years.  I still couldn’t shake the fear, so I got up.

I walked into the living room and looked around.  I started to cry with gratitude.  The moonlight was shining in the windows, and my house was lit with the softest most beautiful light.  I stood in my living room and cried.

Because in that moment, I realized all that I have.  All that has been given to me.  How God has carried me through every single crisis, every single depression, every drop of anxiety, and all my worry was for naught.  God had me all those years, and he still holds me in the palm of his hand.

God has been so very good to me.

The Lord is compassion and love, slow to anger and rich in mercy.  His wrath will come to an end; he will not be angry for ever.  He does not treat us according to our sins nor repay us according to our faults.  For as the heavens are high above the earth, so strong is his love for those who fear him.  As far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our sins.

Psalm 103

This entry was posted in Depression, Dreams, Faith, Fear, Gratitude, Meditation, Sobriety. Bookmark the permalink.

17 Responses to XXXV

  1. Mary says:

    Mary Christine,

    Congratulations on 35 years!! Good day to have a reminder to look around at all I have.
    And I love that picture.

  2. Annette says:

    Mary, it’s so good to hear from you! Happy 35th birthday!!

  3. daisyanon says:

    Many, many congratulations. What a beautiful experience.

  4. Hopester says:

    Congratulations on 35 years! The photo is so lovely. Your experience is a good reminder for me to open my eyes and look around at all my blessings. Thank you.

  5. Syd says:

    Hi Mary, Glad to see you are still here. Congratulations on 35 years one day at a time. Glad that all is going well for you.

  6. Kathy says:

    Great post Mary! And congratulations on 35 years!

  7. Ellie W says:

    I said I’d come back to your blog and check in at day 50 and it’s only day 28 for me but I have been thinking about you a lot this week! I’m so grateful for your blog. I’ve never known anyone in the program (to my knowledge anyway) and I would never have ventured in to AA this year if I hadn’t seen and wanted what you have and become willing to go to any lengths to get it. That idea about being a good example of AA because you might be the only example someone sees — you were that lifesaving example for me.

    Anyway, I hope you are doing well and having a nice summer.

  8. Ellie W says:

    Day 50. Thanks be to God. Things have not always been easy these past two months but I am so much happier than I thought I could be.

  9. Ellie W says:

    Day 100. WOW.

    • Lulu says:

      Not sure what’s happened to Mary Christine–hope she’s okay. But, Ellie W. I just wanted to let you know that I saw your last post, and yes Day 100 deserves a WOW! Great job! I hope you’re on Day 125 today…and onward and upward. It just keeps getting better, sister, and the promises really DO come true.

      • Ellie W says:

        Thank you, Lulu! I got my 6-month chip this week. You are right — it just keeps getting better. I’m so grateful for this program.

      • Congratulations Ellie! I’m sorry I haven’t responded, I haven’t been able to figure out how to get into my blog! I am so happy to see you get to six months! That is a very long time without a drink, and a good start on a life of sobriety!

    • Annette says:

      Congratulations Ellie. One day at a time!

  10. Ellie W says:

    Dear Mary Christine, I hope you are doing okay. Things are so scary in the world right now and I am sure in your industry/workplace they are very stressful! I am still sober (7 months!) but the anxiety and working from home all day is making it tough. I think of past posts of yours often, and experience and perspective you shared, and they help so much.

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