Indecision

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This is a lovely winter scene I went and tried to paint last Sunday.  My daughter and I took a Nature Journaling Class last month, and I have decided this may be a lifesaver for me at the moment.  Long ago I quit painting because I realized my paintings were mediocre (at best).  I didn’t want to be a mediocre artist, so I just quit altogether.  Which could be an analogy for my early life.  Anyway, I have a little kit and tiny sketchbook and can go out with my little folding stool and do little watercolors.  And if they are little enough, who cares what they look like?  They are cute, they are evocative of the moment, and it is good for me to get outdoors and to paint again.

I am very tired from the job.  I am enjoying it, and the money is a miracle.  But holy cow, I am tired!  I am working full time between work and the one day I take “off” and work at church.

In my e-mail box a couple of weeks ago was a note from an iconographer who lives in Greece.  It listed his classes for 2018.  One is in a small town in Ireland.  I decided I really could go there.  I reserved a small room at the monastery for a pittance.  The class is a pittance, and the airfare is even reasonable right now.  And then I tried to actually figure out all the travel stuff.  And then my best friend who lives in England decided she really could meet me in Dublin and we could spend a couple of days together.  And then I tried to figure out how to get to this tiny place from Dublin.  And then I tried to figure out how to tell my best friend that I am NOT sharing a room with her as she is assuming.  I do not share a room with anyone.  Not my BFF, not my daughter, not my sister, not no one.  I just can not.

And then….  a woman from church told me about a trip to the Holy Land another parish is taking.  So then I went into fantasy land about a pilgrimage to the Holy Land.  Which has been a dream.  It is probably $1,000 or $2,000 more than the trip to Ireland, but to go to Israel!  And I actually have the money.

And then…. I looked at the growing balance in my savings account and realized I don’t want to even touch it.

And then… I thought about all my travels in 2017 and how very much I loved every second of my “domestic” trips.  What fun and what adventures I had!

My sane and reasonable daughter is coming over this afternoon to help me to sort this out.  I hope.  I asked for her help.  She is so level headed and sane.  She also knows me well and most of the time has a much higher opinion of me than I do.  When I start freaking out, she always reminds me that whatever it is is just small potatoes compared with X that I sailed through before.

I am worn to a frazzle from work which makes it extremely difficult to think clearly.  I have a huge deadline next week and I am hoping to take some time off after that.  Just a day or two.  And then hopefully I can shrink my days at work to 2 or 3 a week.  I can handle that.  This 5 days is killing me now though.

I have no idea how I ever did this for enough years to earn a retirement.  Seriously.  Only by the Grace of God because this is impossible!

Any opinions about the trips would be appreciated, even if I ignore them…. thanks!

This entry was posted in Family, Fear, History, Icons, Travel, Work. Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to Indecision

  1. Daisyanon says:

    The Ireland trip is already booked. Two long haul trips in one year (I’m assuming the Holyland trip is also 2018) might be a bit much, especially as you are still settling into the work pressures. Holyland trips run every year so postponing till 2019 won’t be any great hardship.

    I have learnt that I have to resist these big impulse spends whenever I have some spare money or it soon disappears. Listen to your heart and keep it in the bank for now. Who knows what the year will bring. A holiday is not an emergency.

  2. Annette says:

    My opinion about the trips is GO! If you have the money, you want to go….GO! Life is short and then you die.

    • Annette says:

      Well now I’ve just read Daisyanon’s wise and level response….you know I’m not the one to take financial advice from. I live in today. Lol

    • I have never regretted any travels I have taken. But this one seems to be difficult every time I turn around… maybe not meant to be. I will wait. Sometimes God says “yes,” sometimes he says “no,” and sometimes he says “wait.” I think I am getting a wait signal.

      • Annette says:

        My best friend and her husband are going to Israel in October. They invited us but our funds are going to our daughters wedding this year. She said, “we could die over there!” 😂 Excited at the prospect of dying where her God had lived and walked. Me….not so much. I’m fine dying at home in my bed. So definitely wait for the green light Mary!

  3. I would ask myself, will I be able to do this trip after I retire? I love water colors! I’m sure you’re better at it then you think…..paint for your own enjoyment.

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