My little kitty, Gigi, on her little perch. She’s a funny little thing.
My best friend is in the hospital, for the second time this month. Her heart is not acting right. I hope to God they can do something to make it work right again. I met her on the day I got sober. She 12 stepped me. It was the one and only twelve step call she ever made. I am so grateful because I believe she was the one person in the world who could have talked to me that day and gotten me to go to a meeting with her. The rest is, as they say, history. We formed a fast friendship and have been friends since. I have stayed sober, she has not. She married a Brit and moved to England 20 years ago, after that she started drinking again. We write each other every day. I haven’t heard from her today and I am a bit terrified.
Yesterday I bought a tent! I am camping at Yellowstone National Park in August. I am so excited about this trip. I never thought I would go camping by myself, and certainly not at Yellowstone. I am so afraid of big wild animals. Bison are BIG and they are everywhere in YNP. I will have to stop visualizing one stomping over my tent while I sleep. I will also have to stop thinking about being a snack for a bear. I will read everything I can get my hands on about being in that park. I plan on eating at restaurants so I don’t have to worry about cooking and storing food properly.
You may ask, why do this if you are so afraid of animals? Well, I am doing this so I can see my two older grandchildren who live very near the park. Hotel rooms in their town are generally over $300 a night, and that just isn’t in my budget anymore. They live with their grandfather, my ex-husband, and (obviously) I am not invited to stay at their house. My eldest granddaughter now has a drivers’ license, so they have a bit more freedom to visit me. Camping at the park, including the purchase of a tent and sleeping bag, will cost less than one night at a hotel.
Earlier this year, I realized they are almost grown and I have not been much a part of their lives since my ex took custody. It is SO hard to get to see them. I decided that I would go up there and do whatever I can to see them, if only for a meal in a restaurant. I will do that. They will know that I did that. It’s all I can do.
It is so important that I do all that I can do. One of the best ways I have found to avoid regrets is to do what I can, and when I think I can’t, re-think and find ways to do whatever little I can.
Frank Sinatra may cavalierly sing: Regrets, I’ve had a few, but then again, too few to mention…. but with the life of an alcoholic, I have a few regrets that are heartbreaking (like not taking proper care of my children when they were little). So forget about doing it “My Way,” I think I shall try to do it as close to the right way as I possibly can.
By the Grace of God, only by the Grace of God.