Apple Sauce

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I bought some apples advertised as being “invisible,” a Colorado apple that is supposed to be the best for apple sauce. I love to have home canned apple sauce in the winter, so I thought I would make some. I think I misunderstood the advertisement. I think it probably said these apples are best used for applesauce – meaning they are ultra sour and not good for much else. Not that they make the best applesauce. I had to add much more sugar than I usually do, and I still think it doesn’t have that luscious sweetness that I love about applesauce. And look at the color! It doesn’t even look good!

As a whole, I am out of sorts today.  I don’t usually get like this.  I have an AA birthday coming up and one would think I am “old” enough to not get a bit crazy as it approaches, but one might be wrong about that too.

First thing this morning I drove to the park to ride my bike, and when I got on it, it didn’t feel or sound right so I stopped right away and realized both the tires are way to low to ride on.  I loaded the bike back in my car and drove home.  Later I went to the gas station and pointed my car at a pump, when another car drove in front of me and parked in front of the pump.  She got out of her car and walked into the convenience store and came back out and drove away.  She didn’t even get gas!  Who parks at a pump just to park?  Oh, the other person who does pulled in front of me at the other pump and blocked me in.   Then HE got in his car and drove away without getting gas.

I drove to the farmers market for the above apples.  While I was sitting in my car, another car parked extremely close to me which was irritating enough, but the child in the back seat just clunked his door into the side of my car.  I got out and the mother looked at me like I was insane.  There was thankfully no mark on my car.

I was speaking with my sponsor on the phone when this happened.  She suggested I go home and stay there for today.  I agree heartily.

Today was my sister’s 72nd birthday.  She died at 70, so this is the 2nd one without her.  So sad.

I made the mistake of looking at my daughter in law’s blog this morning.  Seeing my grandchildren and realizing I am not a part of their lives either.  Not the two older ones, nor the two younger ones.  I have been deliberately excluded from the two older granddaughters lives as they are in the custody of my ex-husband who won’t talk to me… he won’t be in the same zip code with me.  For example, he didn’t go to my son’s wedding because I was going to be there.  It is completely insane.  My son’s kids are not deliberately taken from me except that they live 1,000 miles away and their lives go on and I am not there.

I thought the applesauce would cheer me up.  It didn’t.  Now I shall take a walk and then sit on the sofa and knit for the remainder of the evening.

Some days just kind of need to be over.

I am grateful:

  • I had enough lids at home after I purchased the wrong size at the store
  • My car did not sustain any more damage
  • I am healthy enough to stand on my feet all afternoon
  • I had a sister for 64 years of my life
  • I got to be a real grandmother for a few years of my life
  • Wrinkles don’t hurt.

Seriously, dear Lord, I am grateful today.  I’ll probably be more so tomorrow.

 

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6 Responses to Apple Sauce

  1. Hopester says:

    A friend of mine used to say – when her day was not going so great – that she was grateful there was a night between two days.

    I think birthdays of loved ones who have passed away hit us harder than we think. My dad’s birthday is coming up and I realized yesterday that I wouldn’t be going and buying him a card for the first time and then not sending it on time and him teasing me about being better late than never. And it made me miss him so.

    I’m grateful that you post on an out of sorts day. It makes me feel less alone. Where I live I sometimes perceive judgement about admitting to having an out of sorts day and that can make me tense about admitting that in recovery circles.

    • I love that “a night between two days,” I will remember that.
      Cried when I read about your dad. That’s hard. Please be gentle with yourself.
      And about recovery circles, sometimes they are the cruelest people on earth. (not supposed to say that, but it is the truth.)

  2. atomicmomma says:

    Hey Mary….I like when you post your out of sorts days. I just read your post and I know exactly the kind of day you are talking about here. I loved your previous post about your vacation.

    Family fractures and the things you write here are for real for all of us.

    I like what Hopester says here – a night between two days when a day is not going so great. I am grateful for that night too. I pray the rosary every night before I go off to sleep. It brings me such peace.

    Have you ever heard of Streams in the Desert? It’s a daily Christian devotional classic and you can subscribe online to receive them free. go to Crosswalk.com and look for it. I love it. It is old school Christian devotions.

    And you know what? I’m headed to the couch too to rest my brain and some of the hurts in my heart tonight and knit. Grateful for all I have and grateful for you and your words.

    • Thank you for your kindness – always. The rosary is always good. It is such a powerful prayer. And peaceful. I will look into Streams in the Desert.
      I hope those hurts in your heart are feeling better.

  3. I love the words of authentic people, and you Mary, good days or bad, are authentic.

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