A rose called “Love”

Today is the first anniversary of my sister’s death.   That was the single most painful day of my life, and believe me, it had lots of competition.  That phone call.  My screaming “NO! NO! NO!” to my poor nephew.  My weeping and sobbing in my office, which caused a couple of social workers in the building (I worked at a mental health center) to come and knock on my door to see if I was OK.  God bless them.  It was so hard to imagine that my sister could be gone.  It is still so difficult.  I am hoping that the passage of the complete year will help to take some of the sharp edges off the grief.

This morning I had mass said for her.  It was very beautiful.  I only cried one Kleenex worth, and felt relief that I didn’t totally lose it.

The Old Testament readings for this week are from the book of Tobit.  Oh, how I love this book.  (It is part of the Catholic and Orthodox biblical canon, and is not found in all bibles.)  This morning we read the passage where Tobit prays to be stricken dead after his wife has insulted him.

Lord, command me to be delivered from such anguish; let me go to the everlasting abode; Lord, refuse me not.  For it is better for me to die than to endure so much misery in life, and to hear these insults!  — Tobit 3:6

Then we read on about Sarah, who has lost seven husbands, each on the wedding night, before any marriages were consummated. She is insulted by one of her father’s maids and also prays for death.

With hands outstretched toward the window, she prayed and said “Blessed are you, O Lord, merciful God, and blessed is your holy and honored name for ever.  May all your works praise you for ever.  And now, O Lord, I have turned my eyes toward you.  Command that I be released from the earth and that I hear reproach no more.” — Tobit 3:11-13

Now, honestly, I would expect that God would hear this as whining and self-centeredness. That the Lord would not be impressed by these dramatics! Instead, we hear:

At that very moment the prayer of both was heard in the presence of the glory of the great God.  And Raphael was sent to heal the two of them.  — Tobit 3:16-17

God had mercy on them both and sent his Angel to do a whole lot of work to get everything straightened out.  Read the rest of the book to find out how – it’s really a wonderful story.

I was struck today by this mercy. This love. This willingness of God to listen to us and answer us even when we are being a little bit nuts.  He doesn’t say “Oh, calm down!”  or “Stop overreacting!”  He listens and cares.

I am so grateful for this.  xoxo

This entry was posted in Grief, Mass, Prayer, Roses. Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Tobit

  1. Annette says:

    I’m so sorry about your sister Mary. Such a loss…but I’m so glad that you did have her at one time and that you got to experience that great sister relationship. It’s hard to lose those we love so much.

    I loved reading your bible readings! I’m going to look at the second hand store for a catholic bible. Where did those extra books come from? Who wrote them? Gods mercy for his “sometimes a little nuts” kids is one of the most beautiful things in my life. It sustains me, it comforts me, it saves me from myself.

  2. Mary says:

    I’m so sorry about your sister also. I still remember your post saying she had died unexpectedly. I’m the oldest of 8 … all my siblings as well as both of my parents are still alive. I know I’m going to have to go through that pain eventually and I’m so afraid of the whole experience. When the time comes I can only hope I work through it with the grace that you have.


    • Thank you Mary. It is the hardest thing I have ever faced. I am the youngest of 5, so I should expect more losses, but you never know. My sis was 2nd to the youngest and seemingly in GREAT health, so you just never know.

  3. atomicmomma says:

    ….I remember reading your post last year when your sister had just died. It hit me in the gut hard.

    Life is as hard as it is beautiful and we just don’t have answers or reasons on this side of things. It’s a hard, hammering, heart stabbing loss to lose your sister. It’s obvious you two were close and were friends. That is a gift that many siblings never get to experience.

    I came across a quote one time……

    “Time heals what reason cannot.”

    Based on this, I find a small amount of comfort that maybe, just maybe, I can possibly keep going through grief and hard stuff that seems tol strangle me at times in my life and threatens to swallow up feeling any joy and hope.

    It just takes time to process pain and loss. I have no answers but I can clear some space in my heart for you with empathy.

    • My sister and I hadn’t spoken for 10 years when I got sober. I never thought we could have a relationship at all. But we did. It wasn’t always easy, but it was massively important to me. Life is weird.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s