Before and After painting the rocking chair on my front porch. It’s pretty now. And it wasn’t before. It is a lovely place to sit and knit.
Tomorrow is Mothers Day. So difficult for so many people. My friend’s mom died two years ago and this is just sheer torture for her. My daughter is also struggling because her kids are not with her. And of course, I miss my mom, dead since 1971, and I miss my kids being little, and I miss my grandkids. I miss so much and so many. I spent this afternoon with one of my daughters and will have the other over for dinner tomorrow. It is to the point where it is too uncomfortable to be in the same room with them, so I have finally given up and stopped trying.
I had a couple of medical tests last week. No big deal. Once you are 65, there are new routine tests to take. I had a bone density test for the first time. Shock of shocks (no I am not kidding) I got an e-mail from my doc last night saying that I do have osteoporosis and she recommends starting fosamax for the next 5 years. She who doesn’t prescribe medications. That’s why I go to her. I am just shocked and a bit upset. I thought osteoporosis was for skinny old women who smoke and drink and are frail. Not me! I am big and strong and active and healthy! It will take me a minute or two to reconcile those things.
I wrote back to my doc immediately, which I shouldn’t have done because I have a whole set of other, more well-thought-out questions now. I asked her if I needed to stop riding a bike! Well, I don’t think I am going to no matter what she says.
My sister dropped dead at her desk just about 11 months ago. She thought she was going to live to be 95. Well, she was short by 25 years. My mother died at 58. I thought I was going to live a long life too, but I think I am revising that. I want to live while I am alive, and it doesn’t seem like it is going to be a long, long time. I don’t mean a big long “bucket list” of stupid crap like jumping out of airplanes. I mean going to church in the morning, cooking healthy meals, training for triathlons. Riding my bike in the Colorado sunshine. Swimming in the sparkling cold summer morning water. Limping along doing this thing I call “running.” Going out for lunch a couple of times a week. Doing all the stuff my church now has me involved in. Planning what may turn out to be a camping trip this summer! Camping? Yeah! All by myself to top it all off!
This isn’t well-thought-out either. I am shocked and upset. I am certain I will come to terms with this, just as I do everything else that comes up. Of all the conditions or diseases to get, I would have put this one really really low on the list of possibilities. Life is full of surprises like that.
Happy Mothers Day to those for whom this is a happy day. And the rest of us? It will be over on Monday. I am going to try to keep my nose out of Facebook tomorrow. It is the most graphic example to me of how we compare our insides to other’s outsides. And it is painful when everyone else’s family looks so happy! And mine feels so fractured. Theirs, I am sure, have their own challenges, but we don’t put that out there. I don’t either.
But I sure put it here, don’t I?