Finding Myself


Yes, Birkenstocks with hand knit socks.  The Birkenstocks are new.  The socks are probably close to 20 years old… from the last period in my life when I might have thought Birkenstocks were stylish.  I ordered the birks (from Nordstrom because all things being equal – free shipping, large selection – why not?) after falling in my house while making my bed – because my foot got tangled up in a flip flop. And down I went!  Now, THAT sounds like the problem of an old person – except that I have always fallen fairly regularly.  My cure for that is trail running because it is so good for your balance and quickly responding to changes in the surface your on.   And now I am doing yoga too.  Why Birkenstocks?  I think they are steady and secure.

It’s been so long since I had the freedom to dress however the heck I want that I don’t even know what I want anymore.  I told a few people I was going to dye my hair purple after I retired, but I really don’t want to have purple hair and it took me so long to grow out my natural color, which I think is beautiful.  Light brown with big white streaks.  I love it.

Blue jeans and technical tee shirts seem to be what I wear most days.  When I am not in some specific work out clothes.  I actually bought a yoga shirt that is beautiful.  I can wear that with little purple yoga pants.  And it is a thrill for me.

Because I have lost weight.  I hate to write about this, but I have lost weight.  I wear a different size.  I can wear things I only dreamed of before – like the yoga top and pants.  I went into a fitting room at a store two weeks ago with a pair of RED pants that were a size I have not worn since the 1980s, I felt that someone would come along and tell me “Excuse me Ma’am, those pants are NOT for you, let me steer you to the WOMEN’s sizes.”  No one stopped me from trying them, and no one stopped me from purchasing them when they fit!

Tonight is the last class in the 16 week program I took to lose this weight.  I have been discouraged because after the initial 10 lbs. or so, I have been losing about a pound a week. This is a HARD food and exercise program to ONLY lose one pound a week.  I have whined, I have complained, I have wished I could get my money back and quit.  But at the end of 16 weeks, I am no longer pre-diabetic, and I wear size 10 pants.  And I weigh less than I have since 1995.

I have lost and gained so much weight over my lifetime that I hate to even acknowledge this weight loss, because I am afraid I am arrogant and therefore will gain it all back and more.  It’s happened so many times.

But my life is different now.   I must get the confidence that I can do this or I will not be able to.  One of the most wonderful things about retirement is my Medicare supplemental, which includes Silver Sneakers.  I feel like that makes me sound feeble and ancient.  BUT I can go to almost any gym, sign up for free, and take their classes, use their pools, and other lovely services, such as hydro-massage chairs.  How awesome is that?

It’s Monday and I love Mondays.  Always have, even through most of my career when I still liked my job.


This entry was posted in Aging, Clothes, Hair, Health, Retirement. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Finding Myself

  1. Mary says:

    You sound so content. I love reading these post-retirement posts. Congratulations on your weight loss. I’m trying to get motivated to do that myself … I’ve been on the roller coaster myself for years.

    A woman that goes to the same gym I go to always has purple highlights in her hair. She’s close to 80 years old and just loves that color. Her house has always been painted purple … although when I said something to her about it one day she corrected me and told me it’s lavender. She has purple streaks on the side of her car. Often wears purple clothes. I’ve never met anyone before that just loved a color like that.

    Anyway, I think your natural hair color sounds much nicer.


  2. Thanks Mary! I almost put a red rinse in my hair yesterday, but then thought better of it!

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