One night in late November, I was so tired that when driving home I almost hit a concrete barrier in the road. I was so tired I didn’t care. I just kept driving, at 80 mph. When I got home, I thought to myself “That’s it. I nearly killed myself and I don’t even care.”
I decided to retire as soon as possible instead of trying to go another 4 months. My financial situation will never be perfect. I lost absolutely everything in my early 40s, and then borrowed money to go to school, and then bought a house and tried to have a “normal” life. There is a lot of financial wreckage. Very little of it is left after this year of employment and stringent devotion to debt payment. But there still is some. I have restructured it so that I can live on retirement income.
My last day will be December 23.
Merry Christmas to me! The Best Gift Ever!
I am so happy and relieved. This has been a very difficult and long year. I have been so depressed. I gained 21 lbs. in 3 months time, sitting in my office eating non-stop. It seems to be how my grief manifested itself. Of course, the grief did morph into depression, and then anxiety.
I know that retirement will not be the answer to every problem in life. But I think it is going to improve my life dramatically.
It has occurred to me that I now understand why 65 used to be the mandatory, arbitrary retirement age. I am tired. I don’t feel particularly sharp. I have little energy for, and even less interest in, my work. I’m done. Well and truly done. And I am happy about it.
For my birthday I am taking a train trip to a mountain town with my friend. We are only staying one night and then just heading back the next day. The whole point of the trip is the train. But we got rooms at an awesome hotel that I love for the one night we are there. The weather forecast calls for snow every single day between now and then. The lovely mountain town, all covered in snow. My 65th birthday. A good friend with me. No worries about driving. We can walk everywhere we need to go.
I am hopeful about my future. I am exhausted and will take a bunch of serious down time. I may go to movies in the daytime. After going to the meeting in the morning, and then Mass, and then the gym.
In November, I started an evidence based weight reduction program at a local university. Well, local really isn’t the right word, it’s a pretty big, fancy, famous university. With a fabulous medical school. I had to do something drastic. And this is definitely drastic. I have already lost close to 20 lbs. And feel like myself again.
Also did another thing I never thought I would do and hired a personal trainer. Oh the things that woman has me doing! But my body feels very different even after a month. I am actually excited about going to the gym now.
Medicare and Silver Sneakers – sound like old people’s stuff, but I’ve got to say, they are awesome.
Hope to start blogging again. This has been a very dark time, and I am pretty sure it is over.
Thank you God.