Heading home

There were horrific thunder storms in Texas last night.  I got stuck in a plane circling Dallas & landing in Houston to refuel, then coming back to Dallas.  I missed my connecting flight home, and ended up sleeping on the floor at DFW.  All the hotels were full.  The only way to Denver today is via Phoenix.  I pray I am home for bedtime tonight.

My sister’s funeral was very nice.  I’m quite certain she would have approved of every single detail.  Her kids knew her well.  And let’s just say it: they have the money to put all those beautiful details together.  It was lovely.  Beautiful.  Meaningful.  The music at her funeral mass could have been recorded and sold, it was so lavish & gorgeous.

Yes, I am mired in the weeds for now.  It’s so much easier to recall the singing of the Ave Maria than think about what’s just happened.  I have had moments so painful they have literally taken my breath away.  There was an open casket at the wake and saying goodbye to my dead sister was devastating.

I also creeped out more than a few attendees with my resemblance to my sister.  I think the word I heard the most was “uncanny.”  Yes, I see it in the mirror, and I suppose this will be very different now that she is gone.  I will continue to age, she will not.

Just two weeks ago she told me with complete assurance that we’re all going to live long lives.  She said we had dodged the bullets of heart disease & cancer.  She thought those would get you when you’re younger.   Her autopsy revealed a heart defect that made it certain she was going to just drop dead, just like she did.

This changes our family history.  I see my future suddenly differently.  Like I may not live into my eighties as I always thought I would.

I do not want to die at my desk.  I want at least some time of retirement.  I will do that – within a year – probably sooner.

The hard part lies ahead.  I know that.  By the Grace of God, I’ll get through it to the best of my ability – but it may not be pretty.

This entry was posted in Family, Grief, Retirement. Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Heading home

  1. Syd says:

    I thought the same thing for you–don’t die at your desk. Let the stuff go and enjoy each day in freedom from the grind. It is so worth it.

  2. daisyanon says:

    Thinking of you.

  3. read468 says:

    So sorry for you. Cannot even imagine going through any of this with either of my sisters. Take care of yourself and be kind to yourself!

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