Just starting my training for an August Triathlon. I am severely out of shape. Did my first brick workout last weekend. 5 miles on the bike followed immediately by a one mile run. Cuz those distances are actually challenging to me now. I have a lot of work to do in the next 3 months.
My mountain bike is my friend. It is so much less scary than a road bike. It feels stable and secure. Last year I could not ride at all because I was recovering from a broken arm. Now I can ride again.
When I went for the first ride, I felt elation, serious elation. It wasn’t just that I was doing something I love and have missed. It felt like I was tapping back into my identity. My real self. The self I really really enjoy being. Not the old worker who is tired all of the time, but the happy woman in the sunshine.
I don’t care how hard I’m breathing, I am breathing, and I’m doing something and being someone I love.
I think I decided yesterday to retire in December regardless of where I am with paying off debt. I spoke with an acquaintance after mass yesterday and she looked stricken when I told her I am not enjoying my new job. She looked at me and sincerely asked why I don’t quit if I don’t like it. Good question. I think I have fallen back into the trap of living a life I don’t enjoy. Which translates, to me, As “I don’t trust God, I must provide for myself.”
I am truly grateful that the snow will end soon and there will be sunshine and flowers in my life again. And I have lots of activities to get back in the sunshine for.