The Last Day

 On my way to the 6:30 meeting last week, I got to see this sunrise.  I cropped the photo so that no highway signs or cars showed, but somehow that is not available on my camera roll.  I think I might like this uncropped photo better.
I’ve had an amazing few days.

I went to Adoration on Thursday evening, as I usually do.  I was alone in the chapel, and felt compelled to lie prostrate on the floor in front of the altar.  I tried to fight that compulsion, but it would not go away.  So, I walked to the front of the chapel and laid outstretched on the floor.  Well, don’t ask me why I didn’t know what an impact that would have, but I did not anticipate what would happen.

Of course, I cried, because that is what I do.  I felt that I offered to God my brokenness, and He said it was OK.  He will have me the way I am.  I threw myself on His Divine Mercy, and asked Him to do with me what he would.  That’s it.  I felt such peace come over me and it has not yet left.

This morning, I went to confession and told my confessor about how I am leaving my job.  I told him that I had been struggling with feelings of being wrong, but I explained my efforts to do otherwise.  He said I must forgive this person, and I must also forgive myself.  I nodded and said that yes, I can do that.  I can.  Now.  I couldn’t have a month ago, but I can now.  Then he gave me marching orders…. when you retire, go to daily mass, go to confession regularly, volunteer at church.  OK.  I can do that.  I would be thrilled to do that.

I am, for the moment, unafraid.  I feel at peace with my decision.  I feel at peace with whatever should happen in my future.  I am incredibly grateful that I am moving on to a new life.  I have no idea really what it will be.  But I am grateful and anxious to find out.

Tomorrow, I have to go to work for one last day.  I have to fill out all the separation paperwork.  I have to turn in my keys, my badge, request that my e-mail account be deleted, etc.  I also have one huge task to accomplish, but I think I can get it done.  I am so happy to be leaving.

People have been stopping by my office for the last few weeks.  I am reminded that most of them have no clue of the politics that brought me to my decision.   They have shared memories with me.  There is a whole group of us who went through the Leadership Development training over ten years ago.  None of us are now considered leaders, fyi.  But we sure did develop some nice relationships.  My daytimer is full of phone numbers and e-mail addresses.  I will probably never get together with 99% of those folks, but it is nice to know that we have nice memories.

I am so excited about the next unknown chapter in my life.  And perhaps I will blog more regularly.  And have time to find some new people who are blogging.  That would be nice.

I cannot even describe the peace in my soul.  I am so so so so grateful.

This entry was posted in Adoration, Retirement, Work. Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to The Last Day

  1. Annette says:

    Oh I love this post. I love how HAPPY you sound, how filled with peace and reassurance that all will go according to Gods perfect plan for you.
    My favorite part is you laying prostrate at the feet of your Savior and finding unconditional acceptance. Those experiences are life changing. Heart changing.

  2. Daisyanon says:

    Thanks for this Mary. Your chronicling your story has been a great help to me. I look forward to hearing what God has in store for you.

  3. atomicmomma says:

    What a beautiful post today, Mary. I needed to hear God’s word and I so appreciate you sharing your amazing experience at the altar with us. I have much anxiety today so I will do the same: offer up my brokenness to God and ask Him to help me and use me for HIs good and purpose.

    God wants and needs you elsewhere now, Mary…..I believe this.

  4. Patricia says:

    Thinking of you this day as you enter your new life. It is a blessing and know you will enjoy it. I am a 7 year retiree and never bored. Every day can be different if you make it so. Patricia

  5. Syd says:

    Glad you are looking forward to the next chapter. I know it will be a good one.

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