On my way to the 6:30 meeting last week, I got to see this sunrise. I cropped the photo so that no highway signs or cars showed, but somehow that is not available on my camera roll. I think I might like this uncropped photo better.
I’ve had an amazing few days.
I went to Adoration on Thursday evening, as I usually do. I was alone in the chapel, and felt compelled to lie prostrate on the floor in front of the altar. I tried to fight that compulsion, but it would not go away. So, I walked to the front of the chapel and laid outstretched on the floor. Well, don’t ask me why I didn’t know what an impact that would have, but I did not anticipate what would happen.
Of course, I cried, because that is what I do. I felt that I offered to God my brokenness, and He said it was OK. He will have me the way I am. I threw myself on His Divine Mercy, and asked Him to do with me what he would. That’s it. I felt such peace come over me and it has not yet left.
This morning, I went to confession and told my confessor about how I am leaving my job. I told him that I had been struggling with feelings of being wrong, but I explained my efforts to do otherwise. He said I must forgive this person, and I must also forgive myself. I nodded and said that yes, I can do that. I can. Now. I couldn’t have a month ago, but I can now. Then he gave me marching orders…. when you retire, go to daily mass, go to confession regularly, volunteer at church. OK. I can do that. I would be thrilled to do that.
I am, for the moment, unafraid. I feel at peace with my decision. I feel at peace with whatever should happen in my future. I am incredibly grateful that I am moving on to a new life. I have no idea really what it will be. But I am grateful and anxious to find out.
Tomorrow, I have to go to work for one last day. I have to fill out all the separation paperwork. I have to turn in my keys, my badge, request that my e-mail account be deleted, etc. I also have one huge task to accomplish, but I think I can get it done. I am so happy to be leaving.
People have been stopping by my office for the last few weeks. I am reminded that most of them have no clue of the politics that brought me to my decision. They have shared memories with me. There is a whole group of us who went through the Leadership Development training over ten years ago. None of us are now considered leaders, fyi. But we sure did develop some nice relationships. My daytimer is full of phone numbers and e-mail addresses. I will probably never get together with 99% of those folks, but it is nice to know that we have nice memories.
I am so excited about the next unknown chapter in my life. And perhaps I will blog more regularly. And have time to find some new people who are blogging. That would be nice.
I cannot even describe the peace in my soul. I am so so so so grateful.