Stepping


Some mornings I wake up and my fitbit will say I have walked 12 steps.  There’s something kind of cool about that.  I am doing 12 steps in my sleep.

I barely slept last night.  Some nights are just like that.  At about 2 a.m., my brain decides to start thinking of all the things that can go wrong.  And then it decides to think about all the things that have already gone wrong.  Especially if the memories are especially humiliating and painful.  Yes, my brain will decide to think of things I said to my children when they were 3 or 5 years old.  Things they don’t remember.  But my 2 a.m. consciousness does.  I will rehash divorces.  And have profound regret about most of my life.  At 2 a.m.

It lasts until about dawn.  About right now.  I’ve been dressed and ready to go to the meeting since 4:30 a.m.  The eastern sky is just beginning to lighten, with a slightly purple pink tint.  And that is when my mind will start to work again.

I’ve been reading “Go Set a Watchman” by Harper Lee, with horror.  It’s a terrible book.  I know just about enough about Harper Lee to know, just KNOW, she would not want it published.  It will tarnish her name.  I am so sad for her.  She was so adamant about having only one book.  And now she is old and feeble and someone has done this to her.  dammmmmmmit.   Oh, yes, at 2 a.m., this is reason for me to be upset.

The pink is increasing and the purple receding.  I will get on with my day.

It will involve a pot of minestrone.  Though we are still in the heat of August, I am craving the warmth of a bowl of home made soup.  So I shall make some.  And continue to polish my kitchen cabinets.  I thought they were too old, but it is amazing what cleaning with soapy water, and then polishing with olive oil will do!  They look beautiful again.

Off to a meeting…..

Thank you Lord for this day and whatever it may bring.

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3 Responses to Stepping

  1. Annette says:

    Awww Mary. ❤ Mercy and grace from our Father is a gift for you too. Aren't we blessed that we have known that type of love.

  2. Dede says:

    Have a wonderful weekend.

  3. Syd says:

    I am a Fitbit person too. I will have to check to see if mine says I was stepping in my sleep. I used to have the 3 AM mind race. Glad that has stopped. Meditating early in the morning keeps most of the junk from my head.

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