I was talking with a work frenemy yesterday and she suggested that I NEED to have a trip on the horizon. We discussed possible locations of this vacation and agreed that I should visit my best friend in Cornwall. She lives in a small fishing village. She moved away from here in 1997. I planned one trip to visit her and it fell apart. I have never even considered it since then because it kind of killed my trust. We are both a lot older now, and I think we have grown closer.
I wrote to my friend and she responded immediately with tremendous excitement. PLEASE COME. PLEASE COME. PLEASE COME. she said. And then rattled off all manner of tips for cheapest airfare, etc. She invited me for Christmas.
I asked my only daughter who will be living in this town at Christmas time if she will be in town. No, she is going to Montana with all the rest of my family. I have a feeling I will be absolutely devastated if I am left in Denver for Christmas alone. Just writing that makes my stomach flip.
The cost of this trip, unlike the trip to Italy, will mostly consist of airfare. I will be staying with my friend. WE will cook. We both LOVE to cook. And have cooked together many many times. It will be simple and not grand. It will be restful, I think. My friend is also an introvert who takes to her bed because she gets so exhausted from life. She always did that, but now that she is in her 70s, she also has a heart condition.
I think I can do this. I think I need to do this. Getting through this next year is going to be a long trudge, I wish that weren’t so, but all indications are that it is going to be difficult.
I have been invited to a year-long weekly class at my local church (which is not my parish). I think I am going to do that. It will be a good positive and it may give me something constructive to think about.
Last night I dreamed a handsome man fell in love with me and brought me a cake that said “will you? will you? will you? marry me?” All of our friends were so happy for us. I was happy for me. And then I woke up. And remembered a long ago art teacher. Miss Klein, the former nun. She wrote in my yearbook “What dreams we have my dear!” I loved her.
Update on the date of a few weeks ago: Oh dear Lord, I could have so fallen for him. He was everything that I LOVE, but have learned to stay away from. He started sending me all of his conspiracy theory e-mails, and his communications were becoming increasingly bizarre. I stopped answering, and he stopped sending. Simple, right? right. Too bad he couldn’t have been what he appeared to be. Oh well. How many of us are?
Heavenly Father, please hold me in the palm of your hand and help me to be strong in You.