There are three of these beautiful roses in my garden today. The canes are tall, and the roses are beautiful. It is amazing what a difference a whole lot of rain makes. Watering can never do what God’s rain can!
I spent Saturday afternoon working on an icon. It is almost complete. My icon mentor is very ill and could die at any moment. Her heart is shot and she has an inoperable tumor. She refers to herself as an old hag (she is one month younger than I am) and other horrible terms. I have always found it difficult to spend a lot of time with her for that reason. We have all tried, now we all just shake our heads. It is so sad. She is morbidly obese and is now reaping the disastrous health consequences of that. I hope to God she is able to beat the odds and live to see another year and decade, etc.
I am increasingly dreading the thought of moving to Montana. I have made my home in Denver. I can’t imagine waking up in a strange town and wondering what to do. Trying to figure out which grocery store has the freshest, highest quality food. Who is going to cut and color my hair? Which church is not on the lunatic fringe. Which AA meetings hold to the traditions and know what our primary purpose is. Which gym to join. Having no roses 😦
Maybe it will be good for me and my brain. It is going to be so much work. I need to get started by cleaning the garage, and thinning all my belongings. Yesterday afternoon I went through my closet and took out all of the suits. I would not wear a suit on a bet these days. But I used to wear them all the time, and I have some beautiful classic suits. I need to give them away. Next step will be all the shoes in my closet. I have a whole rack of high heels that I no longer wear. Those need to go quickly before they are entirely out of style.
My big splurge this month? A new pair of black flats. Fancy, expensive, matte black Tieks. They should last for many years. I just realized the expensive black flats I purchased to go to my son’s wedding, now over 5 years ago, have separated, the sole is hanging free and my toes can actually pop through. I think might be time to toss them!
And those years when I was buying clothing indiscriminately? I have clothes in my closet that now fit. They are several years old, but have not been worn. I could feel terribly guilty about that, but I realize it was part of a sickness. When I stopped buying clothes for lent a few years back, I realized my need for clothes was pathological. And when I was so depressed a few years back, I was buying clothes to try to make myself feel better. All it did was create debt, but I am slowly plowing out of that.
Slowly plowing out of my work life. Slowly plowing out of debt. It all feels like a slow plow right now.