This is my most beautiful rose. This year’s first bloom is a little bit hail battered, but still beautiful. I just went outside to take a photo for the blog and there it was. So, there I was, kneeling in the garden, in the rain, in my pajamas, taking its picture.
I’m going back to work this morning after 5 days off. I will work for 4 days, and then be off for another week. I’m glad. My work e-mail pops up on my phone and I didn’t stop them for the 3 days off for surgery. Late yesterday I saw that someone made a very vague complaint about my department to the biggest of all shots. Right up there at the Governor level. And their complaints are hitting the newspapers. But I have DATA. I have asked my staff to run it first thing this morning. I can prove their complaint to be not applicable to my department. But I have a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. Last night I had to fight a feeling of impending doom. That might be one of my least favorite feelings in the world.
Trusting Infinite God rather than our finite selves…. that will allay any fear I may have. Worst case scenario? My own little domain will be made a public disgrace, I will lose my job, and instead of a retirement party at a time of my choosing, I will pack up my office at a moment’s notice and have safety escort me out of the building that has been my second home for the last 21 years. I will leave in shame.
Well, as you can see, I am very good at filling in all the details of the worst case scenario. But, if I trust God, I can know that he has a plan for me. I can rest assured that there is a reason all of this is happening. I may not like it and it may not be pleasant, but I can walk through it with the help of God.
You see, I am not one who believes that if I am a believer, God will spare me of all difficulty in life. I read the lives of the Saints, and their lives were not sunshine, rainbows, and abundance!
In my life, I have had plenty of difficulties, and I know that it has all turned out “ok” so far. There have been twists and turns I could never have anticipated. Most of the things I have worried about have never happened. But plenty have. Worry has not impacted that in the least, it has just wasted my time and ruined precious hours.
I will get dressed for the day, and look as good as I can. I will march into work and snap into action. At this moment, I have no doubt that I can have a report in my hand by 9 a.m. that will prove that the allegations made may apply to the “other” hospital, but not to mine, and that my department functions at a very high level. And I will trust God that it is exactly the way it should be.