Feeling Puny

My garden is getting beat up with our daily hail storms, but it perseveres.  My favorite rose bush has a bud that is so battered it is really kind of sad.  We have been fortunate though in the scheme of things as this state has been hit hard by storms.

Yesterday I met a friend for lunch.  Well, it was the man who took me to my first meeting.  Nearly 31 years ago.  We see each other maybe once a year or two.  We sat in the restaurant for 4 hours and talked, and talked, and talked.  When we finally parted, I was completely and totally exhausted and still needed to go home and make a dish for the monthly pot luck my group has.

By the time I got to the potluck, I realized I really did not feel well.  I visited for a minute and then left.  I felt like a thief in the night as I packed the food I brought back into the bag I brought it in and took it home.   But in a place with 3,000 cupcakes, plates of candy, whole cakes, and every other sweet under the sun, I realized my sweet potato salad would be underappreciated, and probably thrown away at night’s end.  I will, on the other hand, eat it because it is delicious and nutritious.
This morning I am grateful to have prepared food in the house because I really don’t feel well.  I am not even going to Mass.  I could probably soldier through Mass, but I always consider the number of old people with weakened immune systems I may come into contact with.  Something that has me feeling “puny” might be something that would kill them.  So although it may sound brave to carry on and do what I normally would do, I think (and I could be wrong) that it is the better path to think of how my actions may impact others.

Back to my friend at lunch yesterday.  We talked as old friends do.  As if there was never a time we haven’t been in daily contact.  We caught each other up on the goings on.  But we shared on a deep level about what’s “really” going on.  Our deepest thoughts and feelings.  And we understand each other.  At one point, he mentioned Medicare and was horrified!  How can we be talking about Medicare?  That’s just crazy.  I went to the rest room and when I came back, I caught a glimpse of him and wondered who the old guy at my table was.  I don’t see him that way.  But from a distance, he is an old guy.  Up close, he is my friend, and we are both still in our early 30s.  We are friends, but we both recalled when we had moved for a point beyond that.  I think I actually blushed.  We had a powerful attraction, but we were both so prickly we could not get along well.  Now our prickly edges have been worn off by life and we are two old friends who have been sober together all these long and fast years.

Later today, I will meet another old friend for coffee.  Another one I have known since I got sober.  She and I haven’t always been the best of friends, but as time goes on, we value each other on a different plane.  (I just said “different plane” instead of a “whole other level” as that phrase seems to be so over-used.  And this parenthetical is because I think it is funny.)  She is so dear to me, and I know I am to her.  She texted me last night “I need to see your smiley face tomorrow.”  How cute.

My surgery is tomorrow.  Minor.  Fixing a trigger finger.  I am so looking forward to three days off work.  Tomorrow when they stick that needle in my hand, I will wonder how I could ever be so desperate for some time off work!   Actually I scheduled it for now because my health insurance turns into something useless on July 1.  (Hence the conversation about Medicare yesterday.)

Too many parentheticals and too much information, so I better sign off.

I am grateful for a beautiful cool morning and the quiet peace of my home.

xxxooo, mc

This entry was posted in Aging, Friends, Health, History, Sobriety. Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Feeling Puny

  1. Dede says:

    Good luck with your surgery and recovery. Stay well.

  2. Daisyanon says:

    Thinking of you. Hope the surgery goes well and you have a good recovery.

  3. Mary LA says:

    Prayers for your op tomorrow. I’m so enjoying the images of your spring flowers!

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