Rainy Thursday Morning

The lilacs actually bloomed this year!  The last several years they have been frozen on cold nights as they were trying to bloom.  I have bushes on the path to my front door that are so fragrant that it enters my whole little house when the screen door is open.  Those are wonderful days.  And for anyone who has been with me all these blogging years, my lace tablecloth finally bit the dust and I can’t find another, I am reduced to a lace doily!

May I be perfectly frank?  Sure you can Mary.  Well, let me tell you…. I went to meetings nearly every day for a month.  At the end of the month, I have gained 6 (six) pounds, and have grown to love some people I didn’t know well a month ago, and have grown to extremely dislike a person I was ambivalent about before.

I think the bottom line for me is that I need to not  run around like a nut every morning getting ready for work, packing my breakfast and lunch, and being out of the house by 6:10 a.m.  I can do this one or two days a week and no more.

I also MUST work out, and I have never quite figured out how to do that AFTER work.  This week I have had a beautiful schedule of treadmill, yoga, and pool.  All before work.  It feels glorious.

May I be frank again?  Sure…

The person I have grown to dislike so much… I have known him forever… and have a long history with him, including a serious car accident (he the driver, me the passenger).  He can be extremely kind.  He can also be very cold.  You never quite know which person you will be speaking to on any given day.  Last Saturday at the meeting, he did what he always does, he sits through the meeting like a sphynx, and then in the last five minutes, talks.  Like the resident “expert,” and critic of those who have shared during the meeting.  He tends to take shots at me. He will criticize the Catholic Church, or some other things, and I pretend I don’t notice.  This last week it really got under my skin.

In meetings, I always share from my heart (just like I do here).  I am not there to be an expert on anything.  I share my experience, strength, and hope.  I don’t pontificate, lecture, or comment on others.  I shared that the woman who was a drunk is still in me, but by the Grace of God, I don’t act like her most of the time.  But sometimes, she rears her ugly head, and then it is time to redouble my efforts.  Steps, thinking of others, more prayer, etc.

Do you know that the sphynx worked the steps once and became a totally different person?  And that he is good now.  Awesome.   He went on and on about how well he is.  OK.  I am glad if this is an inspiration to others.

However, all I could think about is the times he has hurt me.  The times he has lied to me.  The times I have tried to give him another chance, in a million different ways.  And I thought about the fact that he had promised me he would do a job (not a favor, I pay him) before May.  I told him I HAD to have it done, asked him if he could do it, etc.  Yes, maam.  Well, it is May and I am scrambling to find someone else to do the job.  Mr. Perfect Program is off to Mexico this week and has no time to do the jobs he promised to do.  I am not the only one.

I have to belive there is No Waste In God’s Economy.  Truly, someone was probably inspired by his share on Saturday.  On face value, it was probably good.  He HAS helped many alcoholics.  It is none of my business how he conducts his personal and busines life.

I always ask myself, should I be SHARING at meetings, or pontificating?  I have a real story, and I think it is miraculous.  MIRACULOUS.  God took me from the junk heap of life and carried me into a new, real, and meaningful life.  Do I take credit for that?  hell, no.  The Grace of God and the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, that is where the credit lies.  How can I Boast of a Gift?  I can express gratitude and humilty, but not pride!

I can give thanks to God, and not worry about others.  We all have our own paths.  I am grateful for mine.

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5 Responses to Rainy Thursday Morning

  1. sherylswool says:

    Thanks Mary – that was a beautiful message this morning.
    Good to see you blog again.

  2. Nancy Grigsby says:

    Thanks for sharing your heart. It is always meaningful to me.
    Nancy in Cali

  3. Dede says:

    Gratitude and humility. Exactly, Mary. Beautifully put.

  4. Syd says:

    I find just being my authentic self by sharing my experience, strength and hope is what I do in meetings. I like to hear solutions in meetings. I like to see that someone is living the program. Thanks, Mary. Glad that you are still here.

  5. Annette says:

    Oh Mary, I just love you! I think we have to truly be recipients of the grace of God which truly is a MIRACULOUS gift, to be able to share it. Thank you for continuing to blog and share your heart here. I love reading it….this one in particular was calming, beautiful reading.

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