As I left work the other night, I looked at this tree as I often do. Just as I pulled out my phone to take its picture, a flock of geese came by. It was a lovely moment. Can’t you just almost hear the geese?
Last week the cast on my broken left arm was removed. And now it hurts. Like hell. I will have my first physical therapy appointment this afternoon. I know that will hurt too. But I have great hope that if I do what I am supposed to do, and diligently, my arm should recover. The orthopedic surgeon did tell me it will take 3 YEARS though. Yikes.
This is the first time I have sat down at my computer since early December. I can type again, and I am grateful for that. The iPad was a life-saver when I had only one good hand to type with. It was so interesting to see which words it would suggest. And sometimes very creepy. Oh well. What we trade in for convenience – it is scary.
Each day work is hellish. I don’t know how I can get through 22 more months of this. Honestly. However, I am not in the depressed state I normally get in when I am hating my job. I do not feel depressed. What a miracle! I hate every day of work and increasingly am arguing with people, including people who have the power to fire me on the spot. Well, that’s probably not true, but they are people who most people won’t argue with. It is very different when you are a short-timer. If someone called me this morning and told me my services were no longer needed, I would have a party. Then put my house up for sale. hmmmm, that really doesn’t sound so bad. The last house in my neighborhood that went on the market was sold in 2 days. For a goooood price.
I’m spending more time in prayer than ever. Every day I am seriously asking what I should be doing. So far, I feel I am directed to stay on my current job. But I feel my days are numbered. I may not make that 22 month mark. The month I would get Medicare. I might have to go and get my own insurance.
Yesterday I was at my old building downtown. I went to visit my old boss. We greeted each other so very warmly. Hugs and “I miss you!” She was so excited because she had a Christmas present for me. It was something I love, as she knew I would. Thank God for living a program, or that bridge would have been burned to the ground.
Last week, the woman who had been my nemesis at my current job came to visit me in my office. We had what might be called a “heart-to-heart.” We didn’t talk about our specific relationship, but we talked about relationships in the workplace and how to deal with them. She has been coming to me since then with day to day issues, problems, asking for advice. Again, Thank God for living a program, or that bridge would have been blown up and burned and stomped into the ground.
I really feel God’s presence in my life. Even though I am not particularly enjoying it. Some sage old AA guy (long deceased) used to say:
The way we feel is not an accurate gauge of our closeness to God.
It’s easy to feel close to God when all is well. The children are all healthy, wealthy, and beautiful, and so are we. The career is sailing along. We have a significant other who loves us. Plenty of money in the bank. Etcetera.
But I think we have a great opportunity to learn about God’s will for us when we aren’t having such a swell time. Realizing this is not injustice. It is life. Meditating upon the Passion of Christ will give some perspective on suffering. Yeah, I don’t think I am suffering. I am just going through an uncomfortable phase of life.
And I am not depressed? What the heck occurs here?
Thank you God.