The weekend before, my sponsor and her husband came and stayed with me. They came for my 30th AA Anniversary. I celebrated at 2 meetings, and it was wonderful. I think it was the best birthday I ever had. No big deals, just lots of loveliness. One of my friends gave me her recently deceased mother’s 30 year chip, I got goosebumps and cried. It was so special and deeply meaningful. She is someone I have known since I got sober and I had spent a lot of time with she and her mother. Sober women. Sober family.
There were two people at the meeting at my homegroup that I know were at my 1st birthday. I think there may be others too, but those two were speakers that night, so I mentioned them in my journal.
Yes, my journal. I yanked it off the top shelf of my closet and read my entries from my 1st and 2nd birthdays. Honestly, I forgot. I forgot who I was. I felt like I was reading something my daughter would write. So much profanity! So much drama!
Over the last couple of weeks, after returning from Montana, I have felt happiness and peacefulness that are not “baseline” for me. I needed a vacation so badly, I had no idea. It was also a great, great trip. I feel rested and relaxed. And dare I say, happy?
I had lunch with my former boss last week and she told me it was so good to see me so “happy.” My sponsor’s thank you note said she was glad to see me “relaxed and happy.”
It’s almost scary to write that, but I will just thank God instead of doubting. Even if it is only for today that I feel so serene, I will just thank God for it and not look for the cloud outside of the silver lining.
Thank you God.