Kitty is warming up as the days go by. She comes and sits with me while I knit – see above. She is now looking out of the windows. I have never known a cat who doesn’t like to sit by the window. This little girl has been too afraid to do even that.
Her name at the shelter was “Nia,” pronounced like n-eye-a. I changed the spelling to Niya, so it looks like it is pronounced. However, I never call her that. It feels to me like her shelter name. Whoever had her before me was not good to her. They called her Nia. I mostly call her Kitty or Miss Kitty or Baby now. I would like to call her Edith. If she has such a horrible history, how bad could it be to change her name? She doesn’t come when I call her name, she only comes when I softly talk to her, and when I am being authentic, I call her one of the above names.
The work outs are going well. I am prioritizing the time. Amazing how you can “find” time when you make the time. So what if I have to get up at 4 a.m.? I like going to bed at 8 p.m., and it works for me.
The depression has lifted. Praise God. It was terrifying, but only for a little while. Phew.
It is hard to know that I don’t really like this job either. I am just so done. This is probably my best possible situation. The truth is, I don’t like my office, it feels like a cave or dungeon – it has a window, but it is still dark. I never liked that office. It beats the hell out of a cubicle, but I think I actually liked my cubicle better. I made it pretty. It seems no matter what I do to this office, it doesn’t look pretty.
I have a problem employee. On the spectrum of problem employees, she is barely on it, but she is a problem just the same. I tried closely supervising her, but I don’t have support of upper management, so I am just letting her run rampant in the department. I don’t really like that at all. She makes the department very uncomfortable for me and several others. She knows who to be nice to, so people who “matter” think she is great. For some reason she has decided that her boss and her co-workers are beneath her and not worthy of her “cutesy-tootsie-nicey-sweetie” behavior. We get “surly, pouty, angry, yelling, inappropriate” behavior. I do not look forward to walking into that office every morning to see what kind of mood she will bring to the day.
Should not write about that, may later delete it.
I have been asked to be a mentor to a woman in a far-flung state. I was so flattered by that, and I am so happy to be doing this. It made me feel good that these folks who are really experts have come to me for help. And they both know me well from years at the hospital. Very nice.
So now I walk down the halls of the building, carrying my folders, running to and from meetings, and remember a childhood thing. Pretending to be in high school, changing classes, carrying books, etc. Pretending to be a teacher, wearing pretty clothes, and being bossy with my underlings. And I remember that I didn’t get here to this place easily. I worked my ass off to be where I am, I seldom say that because I mostly credit the grace of God. But I did spend $60,000 on an education, and graduate with honors. That took a lot of work. I have put in my time. I AM an expert. I am going to claim it. Now that I don’t really value it…. life…. it is so weird.
Grateful for a sunny day, in a beautiful state, and being gainfully employed.
Oh and my garden!