Sunday Morning

Can’t upload any photos this morning.  My phone won’t synch at all, and I don’t feel like spending hours of my Sunday figuring it out and fixing it.  There are limits!

Went to a meeting this morning and found out one of our local AA luminaries passed away on Thursday.  He went to a noon meeting to celebrate his 45th AA birthday, went home, and died.  He had a good run, he was 81 years old, and sobered up in 1969.  When I was still in high school.  And most of you were unborn.   He was in my home group when I started in AA.  He was involved in a big problem involving money, and left the group.  I didn’t mention that this morning at the meeting.  He taught me many lessons – mainly about mixing money and AA.  He was very active and helped many people over the years.  God bless him.

One of my friends said to me after the meeting “we’re the old-timers now.”  He is uncomfortable with that.  I’m not.  Mainly because I have come to believe that the days of hanging on the words of an “old-timer” are gone, gone, gone.  And I am OK with that.  I have never been dishonest in meetings, never tried to inflate myself into guru-hood or know-it-all.  After my first decade, I even gave up on being a “big-book thumper.”  I could recite the thing at one time!  That is not helpful to anyone, least of all me.

So I am who I am.  That’s all.  Some people don’t like my brand of sobriety, the fact that I don’t act like I know everything.  That I may occasionally have a problem or two.  That sometimes I don’t know what to do.  As if three decades of living this program would give you every answer to life.  ha!  I started at 32 of age, with the maturity of a maybe a 14 year old.  I still wonder if I have moved much beyond adolescence.  (My face certainly has though!)

I’ll be perfectly honest with you, long-term sobriety is bitter-sweet.  I guess long-term life is.  To watch our friends die and remember the old days, and see the new days and the people taking our places.

In order to stay sober for a long time, it is necessary to live a long time.  If you live a long time, you age, and eventually we all die.

I feel particularly bad for some of the young folks who come to meetings and envy our years.  I always tell them to “enjoy where you are right now.”  It is all you have got – ever.  Relish early sobriety.  Relish each day.  They don’t come back.   Don’t spend your youth wishing you were older.  How silly!

So… it is Sunday.  It is cold and rainy outside, which is awesome.  I think I am going to go back to bed to read for an hour or two and then sleep for a bit.  My daughter finally has time to go out for an Ethiopian dinner tonight.  I am so looking forward to that.

And I think I am going to skip George’s funeral.  He was someone I said hello to.  I saw him once or twice a year.  There will be 6,000,000 sober alcoholics there.  I don’t need to add myself to the chaos.  I would be going for social reasons only, and there is no point in that on a weekday when I have to take time off work and drive across town and back.

Back to bed for me!  Maybe I will wake up with a better attitude!

 

 

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5 Responses to Sunday Morning

  1. Annette says:

    I think your attitude is fine, whatever thats worth. You know I’ve had a rough few weeks, all in my head and my craziness, and someone in my program said, “Annette, I am really shocked. I am so surprised you are hanging on so tightly.” I said, “I am just a person.” And I am a mom type of person first…..so pardon me while I struggle for a minute! I will find my way, but “recovery” doesn’t mean perfection. If so I might as well stop now!

    Thank God we can just be people. People who have been given a gift and every now and then we get the honor of sharing our experience and it encourages someone to keep walking forward for another day.
    Have a beautiful Sunday Mary.

  2. Excellent post. You sound like the kind of old-timer we all need more of. Book-thumpers make me want to scream sometimes. Recovery is supposed to be a journey to wholeness, not a crusting over in some airless room reciting slogans and knowing it all, away from the real world, forever. I have 11 years and I still have a lot to learn. I hope I keep learning all my life. Even people who are still drinking can sometimes be wiser than I am. May I never lose that awareness.

  3. atomicmomma says:

    beautiful writing here Mary. Never stop writing from your truth. It’s what keeps me coming back.

  4. Syd says:

    I think that humility in recognizing shortcomings is a great part of recovery. I am human and make mistakes. I have to admit my wrongs promptly. But I also can forgive myself and understand that perfection isn’t attained by any of us humans. I confess to liking BB studies. And I like to listen to those who have a lot of wisdom from their years in recovery. But I also hear similar wisdom from newcomers who share. Every one has something to offer if I just open my ears and not my mouth.

    • Syd, I didn’t mean to suggest there is anything wrong with the Big Book or studying it. What I used to do is memorize the damn thing and bring it into nearly every conversation. It can be used as a sort of “gotcha” with the wrong intentions.

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