Back to work this morning after five days of blissful vacation. I really need to continue until I am 65. That is just a little over 2.5 years. I have never not wanted to go back to work after a few days off. But right now I would be delighted to stay home and clean and knit. That is what I would love to do today.
I don’t know what will happen. I can plan anything I want, that doesn’t mean it will happen. For now, it seems like working until December 1, 2016 is the most reasonable thing to do. One day at a time.
I used to be able to provide myself artificial goals. I would register for a race months out and then train for it. I would focus on that race as if it were the sole purpose of my life. I loved that. If I needed to travel to get to the race, all the better. I would have laser focus. I am currently registered for a race in June that I think I may bail on. I just don’t care. I don’t think I want to do it. No one is doing it with me, my triathlon days may be as over as my marathon days are. That is not what I want to do with my life.
What the heck DO I want to do with my life? I am not sure. I know that working is no longer what it used to be in my life.
This is sort of like trying to know “what I want to be when I grow up” in reverse. I want to be a post-grown up, I just have to figure out how to have enough money to do so in relative comfort.
I’ll tell you what I am grateful for:
- I got sober when I was 32 years old
- It took about 10 years to get well enough to get and keep a job
- I got a job with a 401K and fixed benefit retirement
- For most of those years, I really loved my job
- I will have 20 years on the job in September
- I CAN retire any time I want, but it would be smarter to wait
- And most of all the Hand of a Loving God who will guide me even when I try to not let Him. I just have to listen and be willing. And I think I can do that.