Life without Work

IMG_7794It has been a wonderful four days off work.  On Friday, I went to Home Depot to get the soil for the raised bed.  I was shocked to learn that it was on sale for $2. a bag.  It took 8 bags, which I thought would be the expensive part.  Not so much.

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I spent the afternoon putting in the raised bed.  It required a lot of digging and moving dirt around to get it level.  You can see that it looks kind of crooked, but I am thrilled with it.  I am thrilled that I did this all by myself.    I become convinced that I am no longer capable of doing anything, it is a terrible feeling for this woman who has been independent to a fault.  And I am serious that it is a fault.  But I digress…

IMG_7801After consulting with several gardening specialists, I planted my early vegetables.  Lettuce, beets, and carrots.  Later I will plant tomatoes and peppers in this bed.  I will plant some cucumbers in front of a trellis that used to have honeysuckle growing on it.  I will make salsa gardens (tomato, cilantro, peppers, onion…) in pots on the deck.  Note the extremely cute markers I made!

I have been busy cleaning up my current flower beds and the lawn.  I have been tired, but oh, so happy.  My entire body hurts because I am not at all accustomed to physical labor.  It feels very good.

Oh, and while doing this, I have made a pot of vegetable soup, homemade yogurt with a new recipe I got on facebook, made delicious granola, and sour dough bread.  This is what my housewife life was like.  I never wanted to give it up, but I kept marrying the wrong guy (or being the wrong gal).

For the very first time since I started this career now 20 years ago, I don’t want to go back to work.  I usually take a few days off to get an appreciation of how much I really do enjoy working.  This time it didn’t happen.

Something happened to me when that employee yelled at me and I got no support.  I just don’t want to do this anymore.  I am too old for this.  There is nothing about my job that is challenging in a good way.  It is just challenging in the bad way of having too much to do, having no help, working too many hours, and not getting everything done.  Yuk.

The only reason to continue to work is to pay off debt.  Now, there’s a real motivator!  I CAN retire.  I would have to drastically change my lifestyle, which sounds more appealing every single day.

Little Niya is making herself at home.  She is still extremely skittish.  I think this girl was abused.  She takes off like a bullet at any perceived threat, and will stay hidden for hours.  But she is very affectionate when she comes out to play.  My daughter met her yesterday and I think she fell a little bit in love.

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I am a bit depressed, really feeling defeated.  I found my best situation in this job, but unfortunately, I brought myself.  I don’t feel like trying another re-haul of my personality.  I feel like working hard on gardening, cooking, and knitting.  I feel like sitting in the sunshine.  I feel like spending more time with my grandchildren.  I feel like taking with people who understand that there are two spaces after a period, for God’s sake!

My neighbor is not feeling well, she has a toothache and God alone knows what else.  She has been indoors most of the weekend, which is out of character for her.  I have gone over and checked on her several times, and I think it is irritating her.  I have some yogurt and granola for her.  It is delicious.

One more day off tomorrow.  I am meeting a friend at a theater to see the Grand Budapest Hotel.  This theater has red barcaloungers for each seat.  I cannot even imagine such a thing. It should be fun.  My friend and I love to go to movies in the morning.  It is such fun.

God seems to be so present in my life these last few days.  I think he is at work on me.  I do not know where He will take me, but I know I am uncomfortable.

 

 

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This entry was posted in Aging, Cat, Depression, Faith, Friends, Garden, Work. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Life without Work

  1. Syd says:

    I found that when the job was no longer fun and stimulating, it was time for me to go. I had worked for years there and still consider myself a scientist. I simply don’t have to deal with the hassles of being a department chairman. It feels good. I hope that you will make a decision that leaves you fulfilled and comfortable. I had to grieve what I was leaving and then all was okay.

  2. Annette says:

    I am so glad you have had such a nice break. After this last month that I just took off, I feel the same way. I didn’t get half of the stuff done that I wanted to get done and I just want to stay home…..but I don’t know that that would be good for me.
    I always forget to double space after a period….it never was habit and its not now either. Don’t give up on me! lol
    Let us know how the movie and viewing it from the red barcalounge chair was. ❤

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