I woke from a dream… but that’s the end of the story… I just have to write this down.
My dreams lately seem to be floating in time. I am not always a 62 year old woman whose kids are grown. I dream my children are little. I dream I have a husband. Last night I dreamed I had a husband. The real husband who is the father of my children. This is the second time in a week I have dreamed that he is my husband and I am young.
I found myself in Carbondale, Colorado. (The town where I actually lived out the last two horrible years of my drinking.) We were staying in a motel (it actually looked like the actual motel where we stayed for a while when we did actually move there in 1982). There were no children, it was just he and I. There were boxes everywhere, it was complete chaos with things hanging out of boxes. We were vaguely moving into a condo – later. But for now we were in a motel. I went to an AA meeting and no one there liked me. They really DIS-liked me. I told them I didn’t think I could do this – the memories of my last years of drinking were just horrible. They ignored me.
My husband came “home” to the motel room after work, he was drinking and wouldn’t talk to me or look at me (again, this was an actual experience with him). I was out of my mind with unhappiness and he wouldn’t talk to me. He invited friends from work over, and they were all drinking beer. He gave one to me and I almost opened it. I thought “I can have just one beer.” But when I looked around, there were some of those awful AA people there. I decided I would drink it later when they weren’t looking!
I needed clean clothes, and realized I didn’t have a washer and dryer. I was horrified! I then thought about my beautiful home (my current home) and wondered how I could have sold it! I tried to ask my husband how on earth we left the washer and dryer and he wouldn’t answer me. It was then that I woke up….
And looked around at the home I appreciate far too little. And I looked at the bed and saw no drunken husband.
I am full of gratitude this morning for a couple of things I am not usually so grateful for.
Please pray that I don’t form a dry socket where my tooth used to be. I should know by tomorrow whether I am healing normally or not. I have never (until now?) had an extraction without a dry socket. Oh dear Lord, that hurts!