This morning I went to a good old fashioned gratitude meeting. How lovely. Some of us talked about our experience with one of my dear former boyfriends. He is now ill, but he is still sober – over 40 years. If you called him with a problem, he would always ask the same questions: Have you eaten today? Are you warm? Do you have a roof over your head? Do you have friends? By the time you would go through those questions, you would remember that you needed to be grateful and stop being so upset about “minor” problems. We talked about being grateful for the simple, yet wonderful, things in life.
I almost stayed for the alanon meeting after the AA meeting. Almost. I need to go to one. I am beginning to spend a lot of time worrying about my daughter, second-guessing my decision that she couldn’t have one of her boyfriends who just got out of prison stay here. She never asked me, but she is now wandering around like a homeless person so that she can be with him. She has been so stable for so long, I almost forget what it was like when she is acting like this. And I almost forget what it is like to let her do her own thing, even when it is scary. She is 33 years old. She is sober. She is supposed to move into her own apartment next Saturday. I hope to God she does that.
I will miss her. But I will be happy to have my house back. I will be grateful to clean it when it will stay dog-hair-less and dog-slobber-less. And I will be very grateful to have some physical space between us so that I am not so aware of her day-to-day activities.
The knitting is proceeding, but I ran out of yarn with one (1) row to complete on a pair of slippers. Dang! I will have to go buy a skein of expensive yarn, if they even still have it. If they don’t, I will have to get really creative.
On my front porch are seven sets of solar Christmas lights. When the sunsets I will see which ones are still working. I will likely have lights up by next weekend. I get so much enjoyment out of them, and I like the idea that the grandkids come over to a festive house when they come to Nana’s. The older kids get excited about my decorations. I am not ready to throw in the towel and stop doing this stuff.
It’s Sunday. I get to sit down and knit all day if I want. There are myriad football games to watch. (But San Diego really needs to win, come on Chargers.) My fireplace is nice and warm. There is a huge pot of soup in the fridge which I made yesterday. I am warm, I am well-fed, I have things to do, and I have friends and family who love me.
What more is there to want?
Thank you God.