My weekend was spent doing a lot of knitting. I have bags of yarn everywhere. Patterns, needles, knitting doo-daddery, is scattered on chairs, on the floor, in different rooms. I started a hat for my son and quickly realized the beautiful wool I had chosen for the hat was ill-suited for it, and decided to make a scarf instead. I asked my daughter if she would like a scarf instead of slippers. I was shocked when she said she would much rather have a scarf! Well, I always think a scarf is something you do when you are beginning to knit, not something you do much after 50 years of it! I had her pick out the pattern, and I am now knitting a beautiful infinity scarf with this luscious grey wool yarn. I thought I’d have it done in a weekend, but I didn’t get it done.
On Saturday I had a migraine. I took a high-powered prescription anti-inflammatory and tried to power through it. Knowing full-well that I cannot take any kind of anti-inflammatory. I didn’t want to take the migraine medication and have to go to bed. I spent yesterday throwing up, because that is what one little anti-inflammatory pill will do to me.
All this, perhaps is an emotional hangover from Friday. Imagine me, nice little Miss Mary Christine, at Mass at 8 a.m., and by 9 a.m., an angry lunatic calling people names (not to their faces). I have spent the weekend soul-searching. The best I can come up with is that I felt threatened. My perception of threat is frequently ridiculously out of line with actual threat. Perhaps the result of PTSD. It really doesn’t matter – behaving like a jackass is behaving like a jackass. I cannot live this way. I need to get to confession this week. I cannot live with this.
One of the readings at yesterday’s Mass really hit me between the eyes. I will keep this in mind as I try to behave in a humble, yet secure, manner.
We hear that some are conducting themselves among you in a disorderly way, by not keeping busy but minding the business of others. Such people we instruct and urge in the Lord Jesus Christ to work quietly and to eat their own food. — 2 Thessalonians 3:11-12