It seems there are more leaves than normal this year. They are just beautiful, the look, the smell, the sounds. This morning I stood outside talking with my neighbor, and the leaves were falling so heavily that we were both covered with them, in spite of our efforts at brushing them off.
However comma they are breaking my back. Yesterday I spent two hours in my yard trying to get them up. I was in so much pain. I texted my daughter and told her I need help. Those three little words that if not said often enough will stick in your throat. I said it. I meant it. And she has assured me she will come through.
She sent me a text earlier today saying that she would be here after right work, her b.f. is coming with her and they will bring dinner. And rake leaves. Thank God.
I went to my home group on Saturday and Sunday this week. Ran into the man who took me to my first meeting, 29.25 years ago. We talked for a long time. He pulled the 30 year chip out of his pocket and showed me, we both just marveled at the power of God, because left to our own devices we would not have lasted 30 days. I can’t tell you what that means to me.
Saw the movie “Gravity” in 3D on Saturday. My idea of the best part? Sandra Bullock is crying and the tear drops just float off her face. I liked the movie, and it was a good choice for 3D. My friend however did not like it. But her father is dying, and I am not sure she would like much right now. She called this morning and said she was drinking the blood orange San Pellegrino I gave her yesterday. And wanted to pour a bottle of vodka in it. She is not an alcoholic, so I said “why not?” I could hear the “are you insane?” pause on the other end of the phone. And I could hear myself answer, “why, yes, as a matter of fact I am.”
It has been a good weekend, but pain will take everything out of a person, and I am feeling very tired and old. I’m trying to take it easy today. When I deviated from that by making a lovely casserole for lunch, I nearly chopped off my left index finger while slicing bread. I think I just need to sit and do nothing. And watch some football. And wait for my help to arrive. Life sure can change quickly.
In spite of that, it is all so very good. I sat in that meeting this morning and looked around. I know I always say that, and it probably sounds old. But it is not looking and saying “gosh, I really like/love you guys.” It is looking at Jim and remembering how freaking crazy he was, and how he is now a 50+ year old guy, happily married for over 20 years, grateful as can be to be sober and have such a great life. I looked at Big Mike, now a little hunched over with grey hair and gnarled hands – 30 years ago he was a wild man iron worker. Handsome as all get out. He still flirts with me and I do appreciate it, an we both talk about how grateful we are. My friend Terry, who came in a “high bottom drunk,” and felt so superior to everyone until the bottom fell out of her world at about 10 years of sobriety, and she found out what it was like to be desperately in need, and realized the people of AA were her only hope. Then Ron, his wife was diagnosed three months ago with stage 4 cancer. They are living through that, one day at a time. He is grateful to have had the sober years with his wife, who stuck with him for many drunken years. They have been married for over 50 years.
We learn how to live. We learn how to change. We learn how to be grateful and trust God in all circumstances.
What a blessing. From the wreckage of a drunken mess, a real life has emerged. So what if it hurts? I thank God for it.