I had a lovely weekend altogether. But I must tell you something that happened yesterday. I just can’t help but think it is just the tiniest bit unfair.
I drove to my home group meeting yesterday crying. I was experiencing the most profound sadness…. I think precipitated by a song on the radio! I have recently been crying a lot when remembering so many things. I wish this would stop! I was so relieved to walk into the meeting room.
But when I saw who stood up and came towards me with a big smile on his face, I felt a bit sick. It was the man I dated for almost a year between 2011 and 2012. It seems he is somehow sponsoring a man who lives near this meeting but has no car. When I was seeing him, he told me “I don’t sponsor,” which I thought was pretty lame. I guess he changed his mind. He has found my home group and he LOVES it! Yippee.
He seemed to be so happy to see me! I thought – why did you act like such a shit to me if you like me so damn much? But then reason set in, he is a man who has built his life on sales, and has been very successful at it. He knows how to smile, and he knows how to charm. He knows how to remember all the details of past conversations so it seems like he really cares.
It’s been a long time since I have had to deal with a former boyfriend in an AA meeting, but I know how to do it. By looking past all that and seeing him as a fellow alcoholic who is probably doing his level best, one day at a time. Just like I am.
If he really makes himself a part of this group, his life will change, and that will be good. Yes, it is THAT good of a group. Thank God it is where I got sober, and where I have stayed sober. And in case you are aware of super groups in AA, this is NO Pacific group. There is no cult-leader. It is just a simple group of AA members, living by spiritual principles, staying sober together – one day at a time.
Thank you God.