Twists and Turns

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Last night on my way home from work, I drove around the long way, so that I could see the scope of the flooding nearby.  See that lake in the photo?  That wasn’t a lake 2 weeks ago.  That was a park.  I know it is hard to see, but in the right side of the lake, there are tree-tops above the water.  Those are huge cottonwood trees.  My favorite race (which I m not doing this year) is scheduled to be held there 2 weeks from today.  I think at this point, it would have to be a swimming competition.  Or likely it will be canceled.  The Boulder Marathon that was supposed to be tomorrow has been canceled.  The Denver Triathlon, my Olympic distance tri from last summer, is canceled.

The Amtrak train from Denver to the western slope is not running due to damaged tracks.  That is the very train for which I bought two tickets (at what I considered a bit of a steep price) just over a week ago.  They will send you on the bus instead.  I don’t want to take the damn bus!  We will drive I guess if they don’t have the train running by my sister’s visit on Oct. 10.

I know these are small things in the scheme of things, but sometimes we just have our own problems no matter how small they are in the scheme of things.

I tend to walk through my feelings before I jump to solutions.  In my graduate level QA classes, in every project we were admonished to “not jump to solutions.”  First you have to figure out what the problem really is, and really consider how it can be changed or fixed.  Sometimes the problem isn’t what it seems to be on the surface.  It is important to carefully examine it.

Another thing I learned is that we “baby boomers” are big processors.  We need to process things – probably to excess.  I definitely fall into that category.

Yesterday I was devastated.  Absolutely devastated.  I could go over all the reasons why, but it would be boring.  But to summarize (a) I have just found my way out of the worst job situation in my life. (b) I truly almost did not survive it.  If you think this is hyperbole, consider for a moment what can happen when a person is suffering from severe Major Depression. (c) I am now in the best job situation I have ever been in, doing things I love and being given the authority to really change things to the way I want them.  (d) Someone proposed that I “might” go back to that hell hole I think is a miracle I even survived.

I can’t imagine that I would ever say “Oh well, something wonderful will happen, I don’t need to bother feeling these feelings.”

I stopped panicking by yesterday at noon.  I have now come to a level of acceptance.  But that was the solution.  And I couldn’t jump there until I processed the problem.

Here’s what I am grateful for today:

  • The new recipe for pork tenderloin currently stewing in the crock pot.
  • The overripe bananas that will be banana nut bread by this evening.
  • The sound of the washing machine washing bedding for the bed my sister will sleep in while she is here.
  • Original Space Bags!!!  That will hold my summer clothes by the end of today, all vacuumed small and placed in the garage.
  • Storage stuff I can buy at Target later today for odds and ends, like the 35 rolls of gift wrap I seem to have.
  • Being in the swimming pool at 7:30 this morning and still being able to swim a half mile or kilometer even though I haven’t been swimming lately.
  • My family, my friends, my health, my home, my job, and my sobriety.

Thank you God.

 

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This entry was posted in Depression, Food, Gym, Health, Surrender, Weather, Work. Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Twists and Turns

  1. Syd says:

    Glad that you have processed yesterday and have a lot of gratitude. I hope that the hell hole is not an option.

  2. MEG in VA says:

    Two ads today…one for Audi and one for YouTube…both were videos and sort of entertaining…plus I did not have to play them. After 15 years of retirement my world seems to be falling apart…$500 plumbing problems, car needs engine replacement and mortgage company is trying to pull a fast one after being with them for 8 years. Fortunately I am sober today and was able to find solutions, one step at a time and life is back to no drama. Hang in there and the same will happen with your obstacles…it’s already happening I see!

  3. Kat Stephens says:

    One day at a time.

    Kat

  4. Chenai says:

    It’s going to be okay Mary. I just have a feeling, it’s all going to be okay.

  5. Annette says:

    “I tend to walk through my feelings before I jump to solutions. In my graduate level QA classes, in every project we were admonished to “not jump to solutions.” First you have to figure out what the problem really is, and really consider how it can be changed or fixed. Sometimes the problem isn’t what it seems to be on the surface. It is important to carefully examine it.
    Another thing I learned is that we “baby boomers” are big processors. We need to process things – probably to excess. I definitely fall into that category.”

    These are words I needed too hear tonight. Figure out what the problem really is….

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