A Loving Father

IMG_6725Yesterday I wrote about being a child of God instead of his hired servant.  A couple of people interpreted that as trying to be a perfectionist.  I didn’t see it that way at all.  Not one human being is perfect.  It doesn’t mean we aren’t God’s children.

I think of myself.   How would I feel if my daughters or my son came to me and said it was just “too much” to be my daughter or son and they just wanted to be an acquaintance?  I would be devastated because I love them.  I don’t ask them to be perfect, but I sure do want them to do their best and I sure want them in my life!   I always try to think of God’s love for me related to my love for my children.  And he loves me more than that, because he is more capable than I could ever be!

For those of us who grew up as neglected or abused children perhaps the idea of a loving father doesn’t really resonate.  I have a whole book about that – unfortunately, I can’t find it right now.  It is written by Scott Hahn.  I am fortunate that I have three children I love dearly.  I can just think about how much I love my kids and how I do not demand perfection from them.  If I think about my own parents, it is not going to be helpful to me.

I wonder what the world would be like if Noah never crushed a grape?  If we never had invented the process of making harmless little grapes, potatoes, corn, barley, malt, and juniper berries into toxic cocktails that cause a moment of fun and a lifetime of misery.  If we hadn’t figured out how to make drugs with the sole purpose of making us “feel good.”

I know there are people out there who are just bad-hearted, they don’t need to add drugs and alcohol.  But the sad thing to me is that drugs and alcohol take people with good hearts and turn them into evil-acting creatures.  Destroying everything in their paths.  Creating a lifetime of trauma for their children to walk through.

My life has been spent with alcoholics. When I joined Alcoholics Anonymous, my personal experience of drunkenness was over, but it was the beginning of the next chapter of loving people who would tear my heart out and stomp on it.  My father was a terrible, terrible alcoholic.  My daughter is a terrible, terrible, horrible alcoholic – and then she added meth!  Every single man I have ever loved is (or was if they are now deceased) an alcoholic.  If I find a friend, I can pretty much guarantee you they are alcoholic.  I have recently been in touch with childhood friends who I haven’t seen since we were young teens – before any of us had our first drink – most of them are alcoholics!

We create havoc and horrible damage to those who love us.  The worst damage I think we can do is instill such fear in the hearts of those who love us and are dependent upon us that they cannot trust an “authority” figure enough to even listen about God, our loving father.  We have deprived them of everything good in life if that is the case.

I know I am lecturing.  And please know that I am talking about myself.  And my children.

Mea Culpa, Mea Culpa, Mea Maxima Culpa.

 

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3 Responses to A Loving Father

  1. Annette says:

    I think it was the word “saint” that threw me into thinking about perfection. It is quite possible (probable) that the term “saint” means something different to the two of us. I’m not Catholic so my knowledge of saints is very limited, very, but to me it was someone who achieved such a state of goodness, maybe not perfection…but to be honest, I’m too tired to even think about or set out to be supremely good. I am what I am and God takes me that way and turns me into what He wants me to be.
    I do love this post and didn’t feel like you were lecturing at all. My hubs has often compared how we feel about kids, even our most broken child ….we never give up on her…and how much more is God capable of long suffering love, patience, compassion, acceptance of us. If we love this much, think of how much more God loves us, HIS children.

  2. Kathy says:

    Great post! I agree with you that “thinking about my own parents will not help me”. I am trying to accept that they did the best they could at the time, but unfortunately nothing has changed in how they see or treat me, even after 56 years! Alcohol and drugs DO change good, kind people into evil selfish hearted people. My own son is becoming a monster, and it has broken our hearts. Strange thing…me, my husband, all of our parents had no addictions to alcohol or drugs, 3 of us smoked cigarettes, but have all quit. So where did this come from? I will probably never find that answer. I think all we can do is keep on trying to do the right thing everyday and pray. And try to remember that God loves our addicts and us and hope his plan for them includes recovery.

  3. Syd says:

    Powerful statement about what happens with interactions around alcoholics. It is a tough thing but I have been to enough open AA meetings to know that it is terribly tough on the alcoholic too. Alcoholism is devastating to so many. And the problem seems to be getting worse as people seem to be less able to live amongst other people without stress and anxiety which often leads to self-medicating with drugs or alcohol.

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