Breakfast this morning, diced apple, shredded carrot, and raisins. Yum. I will never make it on the paleo diet – I found the chicken repulsive and the steak last night just as sickening. A year as a vegetarian seems to have made me a vegetarian. I think meat is disgusting. But I do enjoy this little paleo dish.
Yesterday was fairly horrifying if I must say so myself. I went to an astoundingly wonderful meeting in the morning, knowing I had a migraine but it wasn’t that bad yet. By the time I got to the movie, I had the headache, waves of nausea, and photophobia.
My friend and I saw “The Butler.” She loved, loved, loved it. I found it disturbing. I am not in love with movies that have you crying for 2 + hours. And that was certainly one of them. I left the theater thinking I might need to call someone to drive me home I was so sick. But I made it home safe and sound, took migraine medication and went to bed.
She called last night and wanted to talk about the movie. She may have had a few drinks under her belt – in fact, I am quite sure of it. She couldn’t stop processing how much she loved that movie. I liked it, but I told her I was actually alive through a lot of that stuff and it was extremely emotional and disturbing.
Is it really fair to use 2013 lenses to view an 11 year old girl in 1963?
I was not a southerner. I was a northerner. I was not a racist nor was my family. And yet, I wasn’t a freedom rider. Sorry.
I told her about 1968, I was 16, Martin Luther King had just been shot. That weekend I flew from Chicago to Youngstown, OH. On that trip, we all sadly looked at the smoke coming from the cities burning. To a 16 year old, it was terrifying. It felt like the world was ending.
My friend is 10 years younger than I am. This is all history to her. It is easy to be on the “right side of history” when you weren’t there. Her family did not discuss “religion, politics, or money.” Honestly, she never heard of the Black Panthers until yesterday in the movie. In my family, we discussed politics and current events at the table every night. If you were going to participate, you better have your facts straight. From as early as I can remember, I read the newspaper every night and watched the nightly news on TV. When I told her this, she responded that she grew up in a “loving home.”
She likely was a little tipsy. I was very sick. I got off the phone and was disconsolate. I think I learned two lessons though:
- Don’t talk to people when I have a migraine, not even good friends
- Do not ever talk about race with anyone younger than 60 years old. They will not understand your context – at all.
I think we have entered a time when we cannot tell the truth anymore. I cannot share with anyone some of my processes in this life. I am a product of where and when I grew up. Please don’t think I judge anyone based on their racial identity, or grew up being taught that. I grew up in a town that had a rich history of being a major stop on the Underground Railroad. I idolized those people growing up.
I guess saying you were scared when all that unrest was going on sounds selfish from the perspective of 2013. But I was a KID dammit!
I will now zip my lip and you will never hear another word from me on this topic. I will probably even delete this post later today.
This morning I am washed out and limp from the migraine. I don’t know how I am going to live with these in my new job. But I learned a few things yesterday about what NOT to do.