…About Saturday mornings. My daughter and I drove to the farmer’s market last night and purchased pickling cucumbers and onions, jars and lids, pickling salt, and new jars of ginger, turmeric, and mustard seeds. I got up early this morning feeling excited about spending the day doing something I love.
In my morning prayers, I always ask God to help me to be the person he wants me to be, and to do the things he wants me to do. I usually feel inadequate when I ask these questions, knowing that I am so far from being who I should be. This morning, I felt an answer come back to me, really I did. It was “Today you should make pickles.” It seemed funny, but then I thought – why shouldn’t I make pickles on a Saturday? It is a perfectly good thing to do. I started my day feeling good about what I am doing. Awesome.
I’ve been watering the lawn. Pulling a few weeds (that I have been looking at for a month at least). Doing some laundry. Putting some lye in the bathroom drains that have slowed. Having breakfast with my daughter. Slicing the onions and pickles, covering them with salt and ice, and letting them brine. Being quiet, except for the sound of a fan and the washer and dryer.
It is wonderful to be at home on a Saturday morning. Doing domestic things that I so love.
And what I haven’t said is that I am not out running this morning. I have a race next weekend. I am going to walk it. I may walk it exceedingly slow. I may finish last. I don’t want to do this anymore.
I am happy to be a grandma who spends her weekend cleaning her house, making pickles and jams, knitting, and maybe even pulling one of my unfinished quilts out of a closet.
I remember how I used to love my house. That feeling has been gone for the years that I have been in constant training for half or full marathons. When I go out and do that on Sat. a.m., I am toast for the rest of the weekend. The dirt piles up. The kitchen sink needs some Comet cleanser. The floors need a good sweeping and scrubbing. The furniture gets duller by the week. And I don’t love my home because it causes me guilt.
Today I am loving it.
It was a grueling week at work. I don’t like causing grown men to cry. I don’t like upsetting plans and dreams. I haven’t liked a lot of what I had to do this week, but I guess that is part of being a manager. I will be 65 in a little over 3 yeas and I believe I am about to get a decent raise. Perhaps with the help of some more money and Mr. Dave Ramsey, I can get my affairs in order and actually retire at a normal age. I really hope so.
For as much as I hated my old job, for many reasons, the thing I didn’t realize is that my brains turned to mush from making no decisions for 17 months, not even what font to use. The first time someone asked me in my new job to make a decision, I thought my brain would explode. And now, to have people in and out of my office all day long, asking me this and asking me that, it is good, but I am so out of the practice of doing anything meaningful, it makes me very very very tired. I will get used to it. It is very very good, but it is going to take some time to get used to it.
I am so grateful for this life, and for that lovely little message I received this morning. Thank you God.