the quality of being magnanimous : loftiness of spirit enabling one to bear trouble calmly, to disdain meanness and pettiness, and to display a noble generosity.
I would have thought that I could spend the last few days on this job being magnanimous. Oh, but no! I am just SO done, I feel like I haven’t got one drop of patience left in me. I don’t have one more drop of demurely acquiescing to someone’s stupid desires. I don’t have one more ounce of overlooking someone’s mean-spirited comments and giving her the benefit of the doubt – when there is no doubt whatsoever that she is being cruel. I don’t feel like trying to excuse someone for blatant bad behavior because they are “young.” When I was 33, I was NOT young, and I didn’t treat people poorly. My daughters are 33 years old and they don’t act like that. Age is no excuse.
On the other hand, my NEW boss called me yesterday as she was driving to work just to tell me how happy she is that I am coming back. And how much fun we will have working together. Since I have been working like a robot for over a year, I had to throw in, “And we will get stuff done.” Tons of stuff. Good stuff. Reasonable stuff. Stuff we can talk about and question and revise if necessary.
Here I am, one more morning, crying because I don’t want to go to work. My only hope is the Grace of God. Left to my own devices, I would tell her to f*** off (just like she did to me a year ago). I would call in sick for the next two days. I would show up and tell her how working for her for 17 months almost took my life. I would tell her she doesn’t write well, she doesn’t dress appropriately, she doesn’t speak coherently, she doesn’t treat people decently, she is an ignorant little baby brat in the body of a 33 year old PhD. Who is in a role she has no business in. Oh, and the way she cusses would make a sailor blush.
But I will pray. And God’s grace will get me through another day. This is almost over.
Please dear Lord Jesus, be with me today and keep my mouth shut except for gracious words.