Where’s the Magnanimity?

the quality of being magnanimous : loftiness of spirit enabling one to bear trouble calmly, to disdain meanness and pettiness, and to display a noble generosity.

I would have thought that I could spend the last few days on this job being magnanimous.  Oh, but no!  I am just SO done, I feel like I haven’t got one drop of patience left in me.  I don’t have one more drop of demurely acquiescing to someone’s stupid desires.  I don’t have one more ounce of overlooking someone’s mean-spirited comments and giving her the benefit of the doubt – when there is no doubt whatsoever that she is being cruel.  I don’t feel like trying to excuse someone for blatant bad behavior because they are “young.”  When I was 33, I was NOT young, and I didn’t treat people poorly.  My daughters are 33 years old and they don’t act like that.  Age is no excuse.

On the other hand, my NEW boss called me yesterday as she was driving to work just to tell me how happy she is that I am coming back.  And how much fun we will have working together.  Since I have been working like a robot for over a year, I had to throw in, “And we will get stuff done.”  Tons of stuff.  Good stuff.  Reasonable stuff.  Stuff we can talk about and question and revise if necessary.

Here I am, one more morning, crying because I don’t want to go to work.  My only hope is the Grace of God.  Left to my own devices, I would tell her to f*** off (just like she did to me a year ago).  I would call in sick for the next two days. I would show up and tell her how working for her for 17 months almost took my life.  I would tell her she doesn’t write well, she doesn’t dress appropriately, she doesn’t speak coherently, she doesn’t treat people decently, she is an ignorant little baby brat in the body of a 33 year old PhD.  Who is in a role she has no business in.  Oh, and the way she cusses would make a sailor blush.

But I will pray.  And God’s grace will get me through another day.  This is almost over.

Please dear Lord Jesus, be with me today and keep my mouth shut except for gracious words.

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8 Responses to Where’s the Magnanimity?

  1. Annette says:

    Would it be so wrong to write her a letter telling her what this past 17 months has been like? Telling her your experience and despair? I truly don’t know. I’ve never been in a big official working environment the way you are. I am so sorry Mary. You deserve and deserved this entire time, so much better. But 2 days and your free and you get to go to work for someone who is looking forward to having fun with you!!! Wow. Imagine what that will be like!!

  2. sue tegland says:

    looks to me like you’ve given all you’ve needed to give and then more. Forget Magnanimity, just go for equanimity.

    • I just have eight more hours now. My goal is to get out of there without saying any parting “zingers.” I am so so so so so good at them, and it is so so so so destructive. I just need to leave with a smile no matter what is going on.

  3. Syd says:

    It is almost over. If you get an exit interview, then perhaps a bit of honesty is in order regarding your feelings. No need to hold back but time to speak your truth. Nothing magnanimous about accepting unacceptable behavior.

    • Syd, I do have a semi-exit interview. It is ostensibly about something else, but I think it is really an exit interview. I have always been honest with my boss’ boss, and I will be again today. I just have to tell the truth – but leave out the affect.

  4. Lulu says:

    When I’m faced with someone being a rude jerk, once I get over the initial sting of whatever that person is saying/doing, I try to remember that although I have to deal with this person on occasion, they are stuck with themselves 24/7 and that must be awful. Nothing I can say or do in reply could be as bad as having to walk though life with an attitude like theirs.

    Years ago when my husband was in a situation at work where he wasn’t sure if he was helping someone who needed help or being taken advantage of, I said, “when you look in the mirror in the morning would you rather see an asshole or a patsy?” The truth (when I can remember it) is that sometimes I just have to take the shit and be a patsy and let it go rather than join some other jerk in asshole behavior.

    I’m so happy this work thing as worked out so well for you. Seriously, I smile every time I read your blog now knowing that you are headed in the direction of happiness. 🙂

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