Some Questions

Love

Love

Yesterday I opted not to acknowledge Fathers Day, except to call my son and wish him a happy one.  I told him he is a good dad and that I am very proud of him.

I had posted on Facebook a photo of my father walking me up the aisle when I was a child bride.  It is one of my favorite photos in the world.

My niece then tagged me in a photo of me, my sister, and my dad.  Taken in 1992.  I had just been discharged from a psychiatric hospital where I was treated for depression.  I had just gotten the cast off my arm, from the broken wrist my husband had inflicted on me.  I had gained maybe 30 lbs. in a year and was wearing a dress (the only one I owned at that point) that did not fit me.  To top it all off,  my hair was permed.  My father is frail and looks haunted.  He is just about to be thrown into a nursing home against his will, where he will die.  I have this same photo, and it hurts me every time I look at  it.  And now I need to look at it every time I open facebook?  I need to write my niece and tell her I am untagging myself in the photo and tell her why.  (I thought this was a question until I wrote it out and I can see it is not a question at all!)

On Saturday night before Mass, I visited the little chapel with the candles.  I lit a candle for my brother, as I do every week.  This week I did something I never have done before.  I lit a candle for myself!  I prayed fervently that I could get a grip on my finances and be given the will to deal with it.  Yesterday I sat down and at least looked at it.  Later in the afternoon, I was going through old e-mail and I found  an old one from a friend who recommended that I go to a class that had helped her tremendously.  A few other people have recommended this to me, but I never seriously considered it.  But I have asked for heavenly assistance, and this is what has popped up, perhaps I ought to do it?

It is Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University.  There are no classes coming up in this vicinity, but you can order a kit containing videos, etc.  I almost ordered it yesterday, but then thought – here I am, about to put another $150. on a credit card!  Is this stupid?  Will it help?  If it did, it would be worth FAR more than $150. to me.  I have got to get out of debt, and I have no plan and can see no way humanly possible to do it.  This Financial Peace University stuff is apparently based on biblical principles.  You know I am all about that!

I need help, I am clear on that.  I cannot do this by myself.  And I know from experience, this is when the good stuff can start happening.

I have ten more days on the job.  Just writing that makes my heart flip with joy!  Ten more days!  God has been so very good to me.  I have a fresh start, and a keen appreciation for that.  I am so grateful.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own insight.  In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.  Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil.  It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones.  — Proverbs  3:5-8

 

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20 Responses to Some Questions

  1. Syd says:

    I find my heart shrivels every time I go to the nursing home. It is all so sad to see the people there reaching out to me, calling names of loved ones, talking to air, yelling help me. I want to help them all, but know that their illness is one that is so difficult. My FIL and I went for a long stroll–he in the wheelchair and I pushing him along. We eventually sat in a little meditation garden. It was peaceful. He is nearing the end. That breaks my heart but his medical issues are too much for anyone but a skilled nurse at this point. I wish that he could just have died in his sleep before he became so ill. I was lucky that my parents did just that. Quickly in sleep. My wish as well.

    • Both of my parents were ill and hospitalized before they died. It is a sad way to go. I hope to God I don’t linger like that.

      And frankly, it is why medicare is bust. If we greatly reduced “end of life” care, it would fix our problems. But no one has the will to do it.

  2. Annette says:

    I have Dave Ramsey’s book….Total Money Makeover or something like that. I need to read it!
    Your description of that photo makes me sad and I have never seen it. We have a family picture (by a photographer….a photo session type of photo) that was taken during some very difficult times….everyone looks strained and they all hate the picture. It was my attempt at, “Come on, we’re all ok! It will all be ok! Come on! We can do this!” Ugh. I am sad that you went through all of that…perm and all. ;o) and your papa, can you imagine how terrifying having to be “sent away” against your will would be?!

  3. jed1952 says:

    MC,
    If you promise me that you will complete the course, I will pay for it on your behalf. Email me if you are ready to commit

  4. BTW, this is Jeanne aka Banana girl

  5. Susan Brown says:

    MC, I have the Financial Peace CD’s that you can borrow if you would like to use them. I’m in Alabama and could mail them to you. You would still need the planner and forms but I think you can get those from the Dave Ramsey website. I think this course should be mandatory for everyone, including teens and college students! It helped me tremendously!

  6. Pammie says:

    Mary, I am reading here that God is putting people in place for you. You are loved.

    • I have often wondered at the value of lighting a candle – I won’t anymore.

      There have been so many lovely little miracles in the last few days, I feel God’s love all over the place.

  7. Number 9 says:

    we did dave ramsey’s financial peace university and it is wonderful, highly recommend it. another thing that helps is to listen to his radio program each day, it re-iterates things and really gets the principles in your head. if you don’t have a local station that carries it you can listen online or on iheartradio.com. I would listen to it while I was doing things around the house. his principles are based on proverbs. good luck!

    • I’ll have to try to find it on the radio. Or I could find it on iheartradio.

      Proverbs are probably my most difficult book of the Bible because it focuses so much on finding a good woman for a wife. I sure missed that boat!

  8. Number 9 says:

    PS definitely un-tag yourself. I untag myself all the time. and don’t feel funny asking her to take it down altogether! what a horrible photo memory definitely ask her to delete it. that is not you anymore. you are no longer that person.

  9. daisyanon says:

    Dave Ramsey’s website is full of useful info. Especially about debt management. Also, I cannot speak too highly of You Need a Budget (YNAB). The website is full of useful tips, the programme is very inexpensive and absolutely magic. You can trial it free for a month.

    • I guess there are all kinds of teachers – when the student is ready. It is a shame it took me this long and got this desperate for me to be ready. Hmmmm, reminds me of some other “problem” I had.

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