Yesterday I opted not to acknowledge Fathers Day, except to call my son and wish him a happy one. I told him he is a good dad and that I am very proud of him.
I had posted on Facebook a photo of my father walking me up the aisle when I was a child bride. It is one of my favorite photos in the world.
My niece then tagged me in a photo of me, my sister, and my dad. Taken in 1992. I had just been discharged from a psychiatric hospital where I was treated for depression. I had just gotten the cast off my arm, from the broken wrist my husband had inflicted on me. I had gained maybe 30 lbs. in a year and was wearing a dress (the only one I owned at that point) that did not fit me. To top it all off, my hair was permed. My father is frail and looks haunted. He is just about to be thrown into a nursing home against his will, where he will die. I have this same photo, and it hurts me every time I look at it. And now I need to look at it every time I open facebook? I need to write my niece and tell her I am untagging myself in the photo and tell her why. (I thought this was a question until I wrote it out and I can see it is not a question at all!)
On Saturday night before Mass, I visited the little chapel with the candles. I lit a candle for my brother, as I do every week. This week I did something I never have done before. I lit a candle for myself! I prayed fervently that I could get a grip on my finances and be given the will to deal with it. Yesterday I sat down and at least looked at it. Later in the afternoon, I was going through old e-mail and I found an old one from a friend who recommended that I go to a class that had helped her tremendously. A few other people have recommended this to me, but I never seriously considered it. But I have asked for heavenly assistance, and this is what has popped up, perhaps I ought to do it?
It is Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University. There are no classes coming up in this vicinity, but you can order a kit containing videos, etc. I almost ordered it yesterday, but then thought – here I am, about to put another $150. on a credit card! Is this stupid? Will it help? If it did, it would be worth FAR more than $150. to me. I have got to get out of debt, and I have no plan and can see no way humanly possible to do it. This Financial Peace University stuff is apparently based on biblical principles. You know I am all about that!
I need help, I am clear on that. I cannot do this by myself. And I know from experience, this is when the good stuff can start happening.
I have ten more days on the job. Just writing that makes my heart flip with joy! Ten more days! God has been so very good to me. I have a fresh start, and a keen appreciation for that. I am so grateful.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own insight. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones. — Proverbs 3:5-8