You didn’t really expect me to say that my vacation was just a stressless little experience, did you?
First, the class started two days earlier than I expected. And nothing has gone right yet. I worked on it all weekend. I am so exhausted and have been so busy, I have taken to eating fast food! If you knew me, you would be shocked and alarmed. Number One: I am a vegetarian. So the Sonic hotdog yesterday might have tasted good, but I am still feeling sick. But I digress.
This photo sort of sums up my last three days. The gold would absolutely not stick as it should. So for three days I have worked on it. I finally got it to work this morning. Not sure why the gold from the actual instructor worked better than the gold that was provided by the workshop, but it did. I have gotten so frustrated that the job I am doing is not what it could be. But there are people in the class who are still working on their gold and they are very frustrated. It should take a couple of hours to do this – tops.
The teachers are incredible. A couple from Russia. The man speaks not one word of english, so his wife translates for him. She gives most of the lectures though. I was absolutely rapt this morning as she lectured. It is so deep and thought provoking, sometimes causing me to cry, sometimes to hang my head.
This class is not about building self-esteem. It is about revealing who you are, who you really, really are. And with God’s grace, changing what needs to change. For instance, I am a person with a somewhat exaggerated humility, it is how I have learned to act, from the time I was a child. But I can see as I really work on this icon that I am still full of pride.
The wonderful thing I can see is how much I have changed in the two years since my last class. At that time I couldn’t put my phone away, and I was leaving from time to time to answer “very important” calls from work. What a jackass! This time, my phone is put away. I am not that important. Anyone can figure anything about my job out, it doesn’t take my “very special” talents. And also, as I listen to the new people in the class talk about their artistic abilities, I recall that I once did that. At my first class. I recall jealousy about other’s “better” icons. I recall wanting to have a GREAT icon. None of these are my attitudes today. I want God to show me what he wants to show me, and if that means an icon I am not “happy” with, so be it.
I just wanted to check in. I am still too tired for words. Perhaps tomorrow morning I will regain some energy.