11 Days and Counting

IMG_6157No, not till the end of my job.  But till the first day of the iccon (deliberately misspelled) workshop I am attending the week of June 3-8.  I need to start preparing, with meditation, prayer, fasting, and confession.  How wonderful!  At the workshop, I intend to write down every little step, prayer, thought and feeling.  I want to be able to do this independently or in community with others – without the endless need for further instruction.

I have threatened to have an iccon blog which would not be associated with this blog or any other, but maybe this time I will really do it.  I might actually use my full name!  It would be so helpful to have photos of each and every single little step.  A journal of the journey through the process of iccon-wrriting.

Went to my former/future workplace yesterday and met with several people.  Do you have any idea how wonderful it is to be treated like a manager after 17 months of being treated like a not-particularly-bright line staff?  Maybe describing as being treated as a “manager” is not the best description.  Credible, knowledgeable, holder of institutional memory, possessor of skills that are needed and appreciated.  Maybe these are better descriptors.  I just have 21 more days at my current job.  I swore I wasn’t going to count days, but I have found that I am doing it anyway.  I can’t seem to resist it.

Yesterday I talked with one of the few friends I have made in my new job.  I told her about the senile remark, and the “f*** off” note and some of the other “highlights” of my relationship with my boss.  She asked me how I failed to mention these things before.  I told her I couldn’t talk about it without crying.  And then I did what I always do with mental health professionals, I told her I wasn’t trying to get “free therapy” (she is a psychologist), she told me she WOULD act the therapist for a moment and tell me that the more I talk about it, the less likely I will be to cry.  I have to be very careful.

There is a fine and frequently invisible line between my story and their story.  I can’t tell people inside my work circle about the abuse without also telling her story, and doing serious damage to her reputation.  I have shared my story with some people I trust, being very careful they are trustworthy.  It has always struck me as odd that when telling the awful truth about a situation, it can appear to people that you are “saying horrible things about a person.”  I have horrible things to say about my boss, unfortunately, they are true.  It is just the facts ma’am.  I don’t call her names or judge her.  I just report that I have a boss who said “you look like you’re senile,” who put a note on my desk saying “f*** off,” who insists that I need to do many, many, many things that are so far beyond my job it is incredible – but when evaluating me dinged me for “poor boundaries.”

In talking with one of my dearest friends, who is not an alcoholic, about the program last week, I explained the steps to her.  I told her about the steps around resentments and what a miracle they have been in my life.  And then told her that I will likely write inventory on my boss.  Once I leave I will do that.  It will be safe, because it will be OVER.

Today I am at home on sick leave for a reason I don’t care to disclose.  This afternoon I think I may walk up the two miles from my house to the church up the hill with the beautiful outdoor stations of the cross.  I will sit and pray the rosary there.  Calm.  Calm.  Calm.

 

 

 

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6 Responses to 11 Days and Counting

  1. Hope says:

    I would love to hear about the step by step process of your workshop. The closest one to me is a four hour drive. I had no idea there was a story behind them until you wrote about it and I’ve looked at them differently ever since. I have one just above my computer screen of Archangel Raphael that spoke to me in a very troubled time. I keep it there to remind me there is hope and healing.
    That sounds like a lovely way to spend your afternoon.

  2. Kelly says:

    I hope you are able to enjoy your day off, even if it is a sick day. Also, I would be interested in a blog of that sort!

  3. atomicmomma says:

    Mary Christine….you can do it but I know these next eleven days will be a test of your patience.

    Just got caught up on your blog. Happy Anniversary. Thank you so very much for your commitment to blogging. I am very excited about your icon workshop and would love to see an icon blog. Don’t drop this one though…..your words on this blog hav been such a gift to me.

  4. Syd says:

    Hope that the last 21 days will be free of drama and contentiousness. It will be a happy time to go to your next career chapter.

  5. Pammie says:

    I’m happy you are leaving and happier that you had the courage to do it. There is such a freedom in the feeling of “NO, I will not put up with this.”

  6. Mary LA says:

    An iccon nbog sounds like such a good idea — please send me the url.

    You have my prayers and love in this very hard transition.

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