I’m working at home this morning and have had the TV on – against one of cardinal rules of working at home. The devastation in Oklahoma is horrifying. I am praying for those affected and those responding.
I am sick of writing about myself. I seldom write about others because I think I have no right to. But it seems more selfless to do so, so I will try it today.
My alcoholic (recovering) daughter is again living with me. She and her boyfriend have broken up. The fact that one of her ex-husbands just got out of prison might have something to do with that. The fact that he is in a half-way house for at least 6 months is the only redeeming grace. She has got a job – first time in many years. She loves it. She intends to save her money while living here so that she can get her own apartment again, and make a life that is more conducive to having young teen and pre-teen daughters in her life. Where the ex-con fits in that? My projection, based on years of experience? He ruins it. Sorry. That is just the way I have seen things play out year after year for her. BUT, she IS sober, she IS working, she IS living with her mama – for today. Luckily, I have a program and I don’t need to warn her at every moment about the dangers lurking. She is a grown woman.
My responsible daughter is having more health problems. She has scary health problems and has got an appointment today at 2:00. I am frankly frightened about the latest developments. There is a sub-population of my family who seem to manifest depression as physical illness. But again, I wouldn’t tell her that – I am not her doctor, and she doesn’t think she is depressed. What kind of mother would say “Hey! You think you are fine, but let me tell you – you are depressed!” I have tried to do this gently before, and it hasn’t worked out well. I am not her physician. I am her mother.
My son is fine I think. He adores his children. He is so patient, kind, loving, and fun with them it makes me want to cry. He also loves his wife and she loves him. They have notes all over the house, like “I love my husband” “I super love my wife.” Etc. So cute. However, my daughter-in-law posted on facebook this morning that she got a concussion at work today. Yikes.
My sponsor barely knows who I am when I call. She knows I am “Mary” and that she loves me, but she has forgotten big chunks of who I actually am. Like she thinks I am still in my 40s somehow, while everyone else has aged. I do not discard people when they have dementia, so I continue my relationship with her. But I have found other “trusted friends” to talk with about serious issues in my life.
One of my dear friends’ father has dementia. He has been able to stay at home while his wife, my friend’s mother, has cared for him. He is now becoming too difficult to care for at home. They have hired someone to come in. This is killing my friend because she is a geriatric RN. She feels she should be able to do this – while knowing that she cannot. They are now looking at long term care. It is breaking their hearts. It is hard to witness. It brings so much back about my dad and his last year or so. I have regrets. Yes, I do. I guess in the end we all do.
Maybe the older we get, the more exposure to heartbreak we have. Our families age, our friends age, things happen.
In the love eco-system, there is joy and there is pain. You cannot have one without the other. It is all worth it. Thank God I have people in my life. I want them all to be happy and healthy, but that is not really reality.
Thanking God for another day. And asking him to please help the people in Oklahoma.