IMG_6121Over the weekend I purchased my flowers for the summer.  Instead of the planters I usually fill and place on my front porch and back deck, I purchased two plants! and placed them into pots.  That’s it.  $50.  including the pot in this photo, which is actually a lot prettier than it looks here.  In past years I have spent literally hundreds of dollars a year on flowers.  Can’t do that anymore.

A wonderful opportunity came into my life over the weekend.  The wonderful Russian icconogrephers (deliberate misspelling) are coming to town in June.  I longed to go, but could absolutely not afford the really expensive class.  On Friday evening, I got a card in the mail from my sister.  When I opened it, a check fell out.  I thought “how nice!”  When I saw the amount of the check, I screamed.  Her note said “take that class!”  That was so unexpected!  She often sends cards, but not money, and especially not this much money!  My first inclination was to use the money for something else, but I realized that I should take a hint and go to this class.

I also told my (responsible) daughter – I can’t go because that’s my busy week at work.  She said “Are you f—-g kidding me?”  I thought about how ridiculous that is!  I am leaving that damn job!  This is an unprecedented opportunity and I am not going to do it because I wouldn’t want to inconvenience one of those people?  Yes, thank you daughter for putting that into perspective for me.

I talked to my boss about it and she insists that I work nights and the weekend before the class so that I can meet my monthly deadline three days early.  God forbid someone should help me.  So, that will only make it that much sweeter to waltz out of there at the end of June.

Last night I met with my psychologist who has known me for years.  As the hour came to a close, he looked at me and said he was so glad to see that I was back.  Mary Christine.  The real me.  Not the shell of me who has inhabited my life, or what was left of  it, for the last 16 months.  He told me it had been painful to watch me over the last few months – and then quickly added that it must have been so much more painful to be living it.  Yes, it was.  God bless him.  After his extended leave for surgery over the winter, he met with me in March.  It was so sad to see that he was trying to hide his tears at seeing me the way I was.  Thank God he cares that much.

This morning I listened to the birds singing while I meditated.  The window was open and I felt the breeze on my arms.  If you have been chaste as long as I have, you can feel the breeze as an embrace from God.  I hope that doesn’t sound sexual, because it certainly isn’t.  It is divine.


This entry was posted in Depression, History, Hope, Icons, Spring. Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to tuesday.may.14

  1. Annette says:

    What an absolutely beautiful post. xoxo

    And…..I wish every single person who struggles with depression could have a therapist like yours.

  2. Syd says:

    A nice gift from your sister! I know that is what you so enjoy. And it’s good to realize that you have done and over done on the job. Time for you now.

  3. Kelly says:

    I am so glad you will be able to take that class! What a wonderful thing your sister has done for you! My sister gave me not-so-tiny loan so that I could pay off my tuition for this semester- and graduate- and I am so very appreciative that she did. Sisters are wonderful.

  4. atomicmomma says:

    God bless you Mary Christine. It is sometimes like reading the book of Job as you come out of this horrible depression, go back to your old job, feel light again. Sooooo excited about your Icon class and I can’t wait to read and see more. I know that the last 16 months have been a test of faith.

    Good luck on the final weeks in your current job. You will be tested and you will get through it.

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