There’s me and my little grandboy. I know you can’t see his beautiful little face, but I always feel bad about posting pictures of anyone here, it is not my right to do that – at least without permission. Since my son doesn’t even know about his mother’s blogging activities, I am not going to ask his permission.
Today I will be sending out two e-mails, with massive distribution, announcing that I am leaving my current job. Oh, how I have dreamed of this moment.
My ex-husband and I talked yesterday about my regrets about early sobriety. He listened, and then said “but that’s what got you where you are Myrrh.” (he always called me Myrrh.) Someone else could have said that, actually they have, and it would just sound like nice things you say to someone. But when he said it, he came from a place of knowing me deeply. Knowing me when I was a young woman – just five years away from my last drink! Knowing my family, knowing my father. Knowing that I was not welcome in my father’s home in his last years. Knowing that the father of my children brutally tore my children away from me and all that happened in the aftermath of that.
In the heyday of John Bradshaw and his ilk, we decided to nurture the inner adult – our inner children had ruled us for so many years. We decided not to inspect our souls for any sign of abuse, maybe doing past-life regressions if unable to find it in this life. We opted not to call ourselves victims. In that process, we neglected to do anything about what we knew was the truth. We were both adults who had been so deeply wounded in childhood that we might never be functional people.
OK, enough of this! It is a gorgeous day, springtime in the Rockies at its very finest. I am driving to work because I have to leave early for an appointment across town. I will sit with my boss and help her plan for my departure. You know what? I don’t even care if anyone regrets that I have gone. I just wanna be gone, gone, gone. And I am gonna, gonna, gonna be!
Lord Jesus Christ, son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.