It’s always today

IMG_5045On one of my favorite trail runs, you feel as though you are out in the wilderness, climbing through yuccas and all manner of wild flowers.  It is quiet, there is enough evidence of scary animals being around to make you kinda scared.  And then suddenly you are on this bridge – crossing the interstate highway.  So much for the illusion of being out in the middle of nowhere.

I woke up this morning thinking – it is Monday, I only have seven more weeks of my job.  I really dislike the concept of counting down days.  When I was in graduate school, I kept a countdown of the number of days until graduation on the corner of a whiteboard in my office.  T-x days.  Every day.  Counting down.  Then September 11, 2001 came along.  That day I erased that bit of nonsense from the whiteboard when I considered how many people would give anything to have another day.  To cherish, to love, to appreciate.  There is no sense in counting down days – not in my book anyway.  What if I were to die before I get to leave my job?  Would I feel good about considering 9 weeks of my life as some kind of garbage to get out of the way?  I think not!  I shall endeavor to make these weeks as good as I can.

I am considering riding the light rail again today.  It is a beautiful ride on the train.  It is just when you get off the train and need to navigate the urban psychiatric jungle that is so challenging.  So heartbreaking.  So anger producing in me – honestly, there IS money, why can’t we help the people most in need???  Perhaps I will follow Annette’s advice and pack a few sandwiches… at least I wouldn’t feel so guilty if I could do something.

So, once again, I will step out in faith and try to make it the best day I possibly can.

Father, I thank you that you have heard me. I knew that you always hear me — John 11:42


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9 Responses to It’s always today

  1. Syd says:

    I knew the date of my last day but did not count down or cross off days. I was grieving the leaving of staff and my career. I believe that there are still moments that I miss the work. But I don’t miss other aspects. Hope that your ride and day is good.

  2. Annette says:

    MC, you are a good person. You recognize the worth of making these last few weeks at a job you are very uncomfortable at, count. For you personally, for those you work with, leaving with your head held high, knowing that you gave your best attitude and work ethic until the very last minute you were there. Whether they deserve your best or not is up for debate….but the bigger issue is that YOU deserve to leave feeling good and satisfied and like you are done. The loose ends are tied up and you can leave with nothing hanging over you that is unfinished.
    Thank you for commenting on my blog today! I didn’t think you read me….maybe it was just today. And thats fine! lol I thought of you and some advice you had given me while I was typing that post up, so its interesting you chose that one that to read!

    • I think I used a link on someone else’s blog yesterday to find you. When you leave a comment here it doesn’t have a link, so for instance today, I am trying to find your blog, but can’t. If you send me the address, I will include a link on my blog so I can visit more often.

      Honestly, I still don’t know if I can get out of there without having had some scene. It is still a trial every day unfortunately.

  3. quillain says:

    One of the greatest blessings of my life is the regular chance to be exposed to your perspective. Wow.

  4. bambusue says:

    I appreciate your sharing the story of counting days and 9/11. I think that day hit home with everyone in America in some way. But when the event is still put to use in a positive way, that is when we win.
    I was wanting this day to be over. I am on our condo board, and major flaps with homeowners flared up at 8AM today. I said to myself that somehow this is a blessing, and to stop stressing out, and I finished my breakfast, took a shower, cleaned the floors, and brewed a big cup of green tea for good measure.
    But then I read your post and it was the calming reinforcement I needed for right now.

    I imagine you can’t read this right now, but know that you have already helped a fellow being, whether you brought sandwiches to the train stop or not.

  5. Kelly says:

    I love that picture. Great perspective.

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