In case you need a tulip report: they have bloomed now. But they have been through so much and it is so late in the season, they seem to pop open and immediately die. I have a bunch of orange and red tulips in the back that just bloomed this morning and look like they have been in bloom for a week and ready to be dead-headed. That’s OK. There are worse things.
My daughter came back on Friday night. I am glad for the company, but it is full of drama and wears me out. We went to a meeting this morning and that was good.
Yesterday I got a full knowledge of what taking the entire winter and most of spring off of training will do for you. I have been increasing my mileage week by week, but 8 miles yesterday just about killed me. I feel like my hair and teeth even hurt (an old line from my hungover days). Everything hurts. Every time I move I moan. I hope to get better by tomorrow.
A weird phenomena, which I have experienced before. Since Wednesday, when I got the wonderful news that I am going back to the hospital, I have been exhausted. I think it is my body and soul together proclaiming – you can relax sister. It is almost over.
I had my performance eval meeting on Friday. I told my boss there was no point since it was academic at this time. I told her it was devastating to me, but it shouldn’t have surprised me since she told us it was “meaningless” at the beginning of the performance cycle. I told her I should not have been shocked since she also told us at that time that she didn’t give high ratings. But it did shock and devastate me. THANK GOD I could give notice the day after I got it by e-mail. Anyway, she begged me to tell her why I was devastated, so I did. For an hour. In the end, I told her this was just a really bad job fit for me, but it was over. THANK GOD.
I am currently reading “The Song of Bernadette.” I didn’t even know there was a book – I saw the movie years ago, but I heard about the book from my friend Mary LA and wanted to read it immediately. This book is phenomenal, I can’t seem to put it down. Which is perfect on days when I am tired enough to lay in bed and read. The thing that strikes me is that this child (Bernadette) was of very low social order – the family was literally starving – and she was of low intelligence. Which helped people to believe that she was telling the truth since she wasn’t quick enough to make up such a story. Again, a lesson in humility and God’s will… at least that is what I am taking from it at this time.
Grateful to be able to lay on my nice bed with the windows open and a beautiful breeze.
I was not going to blog today, but I thought of your patience with me when all I could write about was my depression. Today I am not in that place, but I will always remember, and forever thank the people who stuck with me – including bloggers. Thank you.