This is a picture of my back yard a year ago this time. Today it is covered with snow, the trees are bare, the tulips are buried beneath inches of white stuff. It is not supposed to get above 50 degrees for the rest of the week and snow is predicted for next Monday. This is fricking depressing.
My mood has taken a nosedive if you haven’t noticed. The taxes started it. Then the Boston Marathon tragedy. Then holes appearing in my retirement plans.
I got a phone call yesterday that may have opened a door for me. But I am tired of getting hopeful and then realizing there is no hope.
I remind myself that I am not steering this ship. Please God, may I not have my will, but yours. May I remain open to your whispers in my life and not steam roll past them, waiting for a megaphone and written instructions.
My psychologist told me yesterday that he learned from Columbine. He said he was traumatized by the endless coverage and his being glued to it. Afterwards, he limited himself to written reports, not the sensationalized television coverage, of the events of 9/11, the school shootings, etc. He is doing the same with the Boston Marathon coverage. I feel like I am overwhelmed with it. I have had to turn the television off and listen to my Chants CD. But every time I check facebook, there is more. Most of my “friends” and “likes” are part of the running community. It is a community. We are all shook up. I had friends there.
After the horror of the loss of life and limbs is my fear of the loss of the freedom of running a marathon. Please dear God, may we not react so stupidly to this as we have every other attack. Please let’s not have to take off our shoes for a race. Let’s not be searched for pressure cookers. Let’s not ban black back packs. Let’s not ban spectators. Evil wins when we do such stupid things.
I would rather live in danger than live in fear. Truly. I would. And my running friends feel the same way.