Humbled and Grateful

IMG_6027Thank you, thank you, thank you for the comments yesterday.  I had absolutely no idea that people read this blog every day.  And I cannot imagine why you would read the blog – of a depressed person in a dead-end job at 61 and unable to retire – and be inspired!  But I am grateful.  I am so glad some of you took the (perceived) risk to post a comment.  It meant the world to me.  Could I ask a favor and ask you to comment every now and then?  I despair when I feel like I am writing to no one.  Well, not really no one.  Syd always reads and comments, and I appreciate him so much.

One of my friends from the running group became vegan last summer. At that time, I was inspired to try to be a vegetarian, heavy on the TRY, because I didn’t think I could do it.  Well, I did it.  I have had a couple of lapses, but not many.  I do not miss meat AT ALL.  EVER.  The times I have eaten it have been when there has been nothing else to eat.  This really isn’t a world for vegetarians.

On Saturday I told her I had purchased one of the books she had recommended.  Eat and Run by Scott Jurek the famous vegan ultra-marathoner.  It is a wonderful book and I think it is inspiring me to TRY eating only plant-based food.  Last night as I was reading on the bus, I decided I could go to Whole Foods after I got off the bus and purchase the food to make his chili recipe.  I used to make tofu chili, but this is so much better.  Red beans, black beans, and kidney beans.  Bulgur wheat, that gives it a substantial texture and taste.  It is wonderful.

This morning I didn’t have my typical oatmeal with blueberries and cream.  I had two slices of Ezekiel 4:9 bread, toasted, one with peanut butter, the other with coconut oil and honey.  I am full!  We shall see how this goes today.

I wish I could describe to you how different my view is today.  I feel like myself again.  I feel that life is a possibility today, not a horrendous endless burden.  I have been able to talk with my sponsees openly about this, and have gotten past feeling guilty and horrible for my depression and resulting reluctance to speak to anyone.  Thank God for those women!

I think I am just where I am supposed to be today.  Not that I suddenly love my job and everything about it, but I am happy to be where I am.  Not because it is ideal, but because I am obviously supposed to learn something.  I think I am learning.  When I learn it, I believe the possibility of moving on will open itself up to me.  Until then I will embrace where I am.  As I have heard all these years….

Bloom where you are planted.

Play the ball where it lays.

Play the cards you are dealt.

etc., etc.,…. you get the idea.

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice.  — Philippians 4:4

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10 Responses to Humbled and Grateful

  1. Syd says:

    Hey MC, I am back to the vegetarian diet again. I did it for 8 years. Lately, I have been eating chicken but decided that I don’t need to do that either. I am still avoiding dairy, sugar, peanuts, corn, soy, wheat, and caffeine. Not much to eat after all that but we are doing it.
    Glad that you seem so happy!

  2. Hope says:

    I’ve eaten less meat since my surgery – just can’t stomach it like I used to.
    You know why you inspire me? Because you are truthful. There is more inspiration in someone writing about how the journey is than in how they think it should be. It helps me be honest, too. And the really weird thing, at least for me, is that when I am truthful about the journey then change happens. Not that depression goes away or life is suddenly beautiful but that deeper change stuff. Big hugs and much love to you today.

  3. sherylswool says:

    I listened to Eat and Run a couple of months ago, and was completely inspired to both eat better AND start running again. Great book!

  4. marcia says:

    Just catching up with your blog today and getting energy, support, and sometimes good dry humor from you and posters. You have so many friends out here, even if we seldom post! Thank you for sharing from your heart.

  5. Nuala Colman says:

    I read your blog because I identify with you so much. I am also in a dead end job that I cant afford to leave – I too suffer from depression – and I too am in recovery from alcoholosim and addiction – I struggle big time with a spiritual side though. Keep up the blogging please. I love hearing from you and feel as if I know you -)

  6. sue tegland says:

    Not only are you inspiring, I think you have great writing style. So there! If I were as articulate as you, I would blog also. And I admire your truthfulness as well.

  7. wendy says:

    I read regularly, but rarely comment. Just chiming in…

  8. Tami says:

    What Sue said. And I am not vegan but feel so much better not eating meat. My latest fav is green smoothies. It is quite a concoction! I love a good bean chilli too. Have started eating it over a healthily grain with jalapeños. So glad to hear you are in a better place mentally and emotionally!

  9. Chenai says:

    Hi Mary. Thanks for another lovely post. Don’t be suprised that people read your blog every day. It’s one of the most down to earth and relatable blogs I know of. Your honesty and genuineness are what make your popular. Onto your post, I remember when you used to eat a low carb diet, and you found that was the best one for you. Just wondering whether your new vegan diet is also somehow low-ish in carbs or in certain carbs.

  10. atomicmomma says:

    I love the Ezekiel Cinnamon Raisin bread and it it s heavenly with Coconut oil on it.

    Have you tried Almond Milk? I really like that as an alternative to dairy. I am not a big meat eater but I love milk and love cheese. I drink almond milk as a sort of halfway point to not consume so much dairy. Blue Diamond makes a great brand and it’s sold in the refrigerator right along with regular milk.

    There is also another tasty coconut product you may like – it’s called Coconut Manna and Whole Foods sells it. It is the entire coconut in a jar. Don’t get that and a jar of Nutella though. You will eat both jars in one sitting!!!

    You are really sounding more and more like yourself.

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