Heading South

Heading down to a large funeral, in a bus with VIPs.  I am not good at funerals.  I cry entirely too much.

My “funeral dress” is hanging from my bedroom door, along with the jacket and scarf that go with it.  My boots are shined and waiting by my bed.  My tiny purse is stuffed with a freshly starched handkerchief and a package of kleenex.  All I need to do is take a bath and start getting ready.

Early in sobriety, I had an experience that has stuck with me all these years.  I don’t remember who it was or where it was or what circumstances – other than a funeral.  I told a group of AA women that “I don’t like funerals.”  (as if that was an excuse not to go)  They laughed and said “Do you think we do?”  That’s all it took for me to realize that sometimes I have to do things that I don’t want to, it doesn’t make me special, it makes me normal.  Only a ghoul “likes” funerals, but we go because we show up for the living.   I have to tell you, I am especially dreading this one.

It is Monday in Holy Week.  This Lent has been the most amazing one for me.  I hope to be able to get to many of the church services this week, and I took Friday afternoon off so that I could spend the afternoon in church.

Please say a prayer for me and all who are involved in this horribly sad day.

For ever, O Lord, your word is firmly fixed in the heavens.  Your faithfulness endures to all generations; you have established the earth, and it stands fast.  — Psalm 119:89-90

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6 Responses to Heading South

  1. Syd says:

    I’m glad that you are showing up for the living. That is indeed important.

  2. Annette says:

    Very sad. I’m sorry this has happened. Yet again your courage shines through….you have been in a fragile place these past few months, but you forge on ahead doing what needs to be done. Bless your heart. I am praying for all today.

    • Annette, Actually this forging ahead no matter what is partially a character defect. It has gotten me into much trouble in my life. It leaves no space for God to do his work. It has also served me…. who knows? Thank you for your prayers, they are truly appreciated.

  3. Hope says:

    Saying a prayer for you right now. When my brother in law was killed nearly 9 years ago I remember at his funeral how overwhelmed I felt that so many people chose to spend their time showing up at his service. Their kindness meant so much.
    I hope you have a blessed Holy Week.

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