Monday – Day 3 of 4

IMG_5901This morning I woke and thought, I can bake bread today!  If I start by 6, I should have a nice loaf to take to my son’s family when I visit this morning.  I may be pushing right up against it, but I can carry a hot loaf of bread over there.   I don’t think I have baked a loaf of bread for literally years.  Because I eat it.   But I am in the process of cooking and baking for a co-worker who is expecting a child any minute.  She loves my cooking.  I have gotten into a bit of a habit of making extra to freeze for her.  I was going to freeze the bread, but decided to take it to my fam instead.

When it is your daughter-in-law, you need to be a bit more careful.  Let me first say I absolutely love my daughter-in-law.  But I noticed about a year ago that she says things like “Is there anything you don’t do?”  That is always a bad sign.  So I have backed off with them.  I made them food for when she came home from the hospital, which was appropriate.  But at holidays now I ask her to make a desert we all love.  I defer to her.  I have seen too many women get too pushy with their kids’ spouses and end up with a strained relationship with the whole family.  I have nothing to prove.  I just want to be grandma.  That’s it.  But a loaf of bread surely can’t hurt, right?

This morning I watched music videos on VH1.  I found myself dancing in the kitchen to the bouncy pop music with flour on my hands and on the front of my apron.  Normally I don’t listen to pop music.   When I am depressed I can’t stand to listen to anything other than classical music or chants.  I watch endless news coverage on TV and listen to NPR in the car.

Maybe I am crawling out of the hole.  Or maybe I just have a few days away from the pressure and deadlines.  Hmmm, what do you think?  I will love these four days and not think ahead to what is ahead – except for spring.

You must not bear hatred for your brother in your heart.  You must openly tell him, your neighbor, of his offense; this way you will not take a sin upon yourself.  You must not exact vengeance, nor must you bear a grudge against the children of your people.  You must love your neighbor as yourself, I am the Lord.  — Leviticus 19:17-18

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11 Responses to Monday – Day 3 of 4

  1. kberman says:

    Baking bread and dancing are huge! See you knew yourself better than the experts. We always do. Our body always tells us what we need but we think the mind is more important. It isn’t.

    If I had to watch any TV news, I would crawl in a hole. I gave up cable TV 2 years ago for the budget. Bought a $70. Roku. and now have Netflix for $8. and Hulu Plus for $8. and I love it. Few ads if any and I watch what I want when I want it. The news I do online from several sources if I choose. Most news is negative so I stream through it quickly. Listen to Buddhist, etc. podcasts while I walk. I am born again Christian but was drawn to how Buddhists always look so happy. Now I am finding out why. But Jesus Christ is my Savior. Many paths, One God.

  2. Syd says:

    The bread sounds great. Hateful people are not aware they are hateful. I do my best to be compassionate,

  3. Kelly says:

    I am glad you are enjoying these four days. You deserve to!

  4. Kelly says:

    Making bread by hand was one of my little weapons to hang on to my sanity during the rough years. There is something therapeutic about it. And then the eating. mmmm.

    • Yes, I did it when I was a young woman at home with three kids. Later I found exercise. It looks like I would like to go back to the bread, cakes, candy, etc. But then I would go back to the whole overweight thing. I don’t want to do that, so it is the treadmill today rather than the kneading board.

  5. atomicmomma says:

    I have baked many a time to calm my nerves. Just got caught up on your posts for the last few days. I’m really glad to hear that you are feeling so much better. Pay attention to how you feel when you return to your job – that will be a key factor in whether you should stay in that position or pursue your old or another job.

    As for the comment from your daughter-in-law – I don’t know if it had as much to do with you as it did with how she is feeling at this point in her life. Young kids under 5 years old really make it hard to pursue creative endeavors for yourself and I remember seeing my MIL do quilts, baking, bible studies etc while all I was trying to do was the big stuff and get whatever sleep I could with young babies. It was hard but I forgot that my mother in law had already done the phase I was in and was at a point in her life where she was freed up to pursue things for herself.

    When you have young children under 5 years old you think you are never ever going to get sleep, feel rested, live without chaos, start the day without feeling like a starter gun has gone off. I thought my days of reading or creativity were over. Just a thought. It’s more about your daughter in laws frustration than who you are or what you are doing.

    Also, us recovering alcoholics stay busy and do alot. I know I have to stay busy and creative to avoid a relapse.

    • When I was a young mother, baking, sewing, knitting, quilting, etc. were the only ways I could cope with it. Having a 2 year old and infant twins, while living in a town remote and small and lonely was something that just about pushed me over the edge.

      I remember at that time my neighbors telling me to knock it off, their husbands were talking about me and comparing them to me – if they only knew how much I drank every day! While my kids napped, I would also go out and split the firewood – in a dress. My sister-in-law felt that every cake or pie I baked was directed at her – to make her look bad. I have many years of experience with this. It is better at this point of my life to just back the hell off.

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