Letting Go



It’s getting so much worse.  I am going to take a break from the blog for a week or so.  I can’t imagine anything more boring than reading about a major depressive episode.  And I don’t know why I would put it out for all to see.

My house now has a lien on it for a $28 bill that I couldn’t find the courage to pay.  I got a notice of a garnishment (I don’t know if that is correct terminology) for state taxes – that I actually paid.  My life is literally falling apart.

I keep on keeping on.  I am beginning to think this is my mistake.  I think I may need to admit that I am very very ill and I need a great deal of help.  Help that seems at this time to be impossible to find.

Here’s all I can say that is positive:  I am sober, by the grace of God.  I know that God is with me, even though it is hard.

I feel selfish to ask for prayers, but if you could I would appreciate it.  Thanks.

And all these, though well attested by their faith, did not receive what was promised, since God had foreseen something better for us, that apart from us they should not be made perfect.  — Hebrews 11:39-40

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20 Responses to Letting Go

  1. Annette says:

    I am praying Mary. (((HUG))) If I were going to tell you what to do, I would say, take one thing at a time and make the phone calls needed to straighten that one thing out. Ask for help if you need to. Its ok to be sick. Its ok to need help. Its ok to not be perfect and capable at all times.

  2. Nancy G says:

    Dear Mary,
    I read your blog on a daily basis and always feel like i’ve met a kindred spirit. I understand depression intimately and can only feel compassion for all you’re going through. I will certainly keep you in my prayers and will keep believing that God will continue to hold you in the palm of His hand.
    Nancy G

  3. Quillain says:

    You are so very much in my prayers. May you get the care and help you need.

    Day 2 clean for me, and I could not have gotten here without your blog offering hope and wisdom and letting me know where and to whom to turn.

    Strength to you from far away.

  4. Mike says:

    e-mail me. I want to email you something back.

  5. Kelly says:

    Of course prayers and virtual hugs! And ditto to Annette. Don’t shut out avenues of help! My heart goes out to you, Mary.

  6. Hope says:

    Praying for you. Hugs.

  7. Syd says:

    I am pulling for you. First things first comes to mind. And you are at the top of the list along with the vital things that must be done. Please let us know here how you are doing. You are important!

  8. Nancy says:

    Praying for you.

  9. Ellen says:

    Healing thoughts to you. I know it’s really hard to look for help when you’re already in desperate straits, but hope you can do so. Hope you can at least get a new sponsor, who is mentally well. I think it’s OK to write about being depressed, but only if it helps. This is just my opinion, but I’ve found paying for therapy worth the money, if that money can be found of course. Take care.

  10. Ray says:

    Lord, we lift our dear sister Mary up and request a healing, may she feel your love and feel your calm spirit. Your grace is boundless and overflowing, thank you for blessing our days with your Holy Spirit. amen

  11. Mary LA says:

    Email on its way, so concerned for you — but with prayer and skilful help you will come through this. All love and a hug.

  12. atomicmomma says:

    Mary…take all the time you need from this blog to take care of yourself. Know that we care for you out here and are praying for you to get through this awful depression. I am so sorry it is swallowing you up so much right now. I will pray that God brings you healing and the people and doctors you need to take care of you. You will get through this.

  13. What they said! Very concerned for you and sending lots lots of love. Take all the time you need. I’ll miss your voice and look forward to your return.

  14. Vanessa Campbell says:

    I too read your blog daily and please be sure that I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. I hate that you are suffering and know that you are smart enough to seek the help you need to get you back on your feet. Best wishes to you and your family.

  15. bambusue says:

    Will be sending good thoughts out and thinking of you daily. All these people, I, and many more, care.

  16. annpetty says:

    Dear Mary Christine, I have followed your blog(s) for a long time but have rarely commented. I too am a sober, Catholic recovering woman. You have helped me and so many others with your honest sharing. Please hang in there and, as we so often are reminded, God didn’t bring you this far just to drop you now. Love and prayers, and God bless you. Ann P.

  17. Kelly says:

    Prayers, Mary. Lots and lots of prayers for you.

  18. Number 9 says:

    Keep writing if it helps! Don’t worry about being boring. You’re suffering. Keep reaching out. Depression hates that and cannot survive long in community. Depression thrives in isolation so even though you want to isolate please don’t. There is so much help out there for depression so prayers you find what will work for you and bring the light back into your life… One day God will bring good out of this darkness and you’ll be able to help others out of theirs. Sunshine. Outdoors. Adoration. Rosary. Hugs!!!

  19. Micky says:

    holding good thoughts for you Mary hoping you can get the help you need however that arrives. you are loved.

  20. Thank you so very much for all of the kind comments and especially prayers. They are greatly appreciated.

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