I woke this morning and thought about things I would LIKE to do today. Realized my hand doesn’t hurt much today. Thought I could get in 4 or 5 miles on the treadmill. Get ready in time to meet my friend for lunch and a movie. Get home and change clothes before heading off to confession, rosary, and mass. Swung my feet out of bed, and thought – Thank You Lord, this is the first day I have WANTED to face for almost a year.
I’m not going to draw any huge conclusions from this moment. But I am going to rejoice in it.
I have examined it of course. It just might be because I have been off work for a few days.
The night before last, in the pain after surgery and the couple of vicodin, I had vivid dreams of a huge conference room, with people coming at me from every corner, angry about things I hadn’t gotten done. And my boss telling me she was going to fire me. The shame and fear that followed. Until I met a man along the road, a man who looked like Ryan Seacrest (I must be watching too much American Idol), he took me in his arms and said “We both have to be willing to 5th step this” and then he kissed me. A real kiss. Oh my goodness. Dreams are so weird. 5th step? Ryan Seacrest? The rest of it seemed real enough.
I am fighting tears, so appreciative for this little glimmer of hope today. I am going to check to see if the crocus in the back yard are coming up – it has been so warm for the last week I have a feeling they might be peeking out to see what’s happening.
All flesh is grass, and all its beauty is like the flower of the field. The grass withers, the flower fades, when the breath of the Lord blows up n it; surely the people is grass. — Isaiah 40:6-7