If you see the post below, you will understand why I don’t blog at night. It is best for me not to fan and feed bad feelings from the day.
My overarching point was that I feel ancient and irrelevant. I still get surprised at my relevance in little bursts throughout this last year. It seems to be something I now need to prove every day. I am too old to be proving myself. I don’t want to do it. So I let it go, and it hurts me. Which I understand is my pride. When I looked at it the AA way, it was self-centered fear. But when I look at it in terms of sin, it is pride.
If I could walk into that room today with no feelings of endangered pride, I would have a good day. I have already prayed and ask God to remove these feelings. Now I will put one foot in front of the other and go face another day of this. Day 2 of 3.
Once on the spiritual journey, we begin to perceive that our emotional programs for happiness prevent us from reacting to other people and their needs. When locked into our private worlds of narcissistic desires, we are not present to the needs of others when they seek help. The clarity with which we see other people’s needs and respond to them is in direct proportion to our interior freedom. — Invitation to Love, p.25, Thomas Keating.