Feeling sad this morning as I realize that most of my links are out of date. This blog is only a few months old, and already most of the other blogs I have linked to have ceased to be, or remain with no updates. It is probably something I shouldn’t admit, but I always feel a bit abandoned as people I have come to know, felt a kinship with, and thought we had a bit of a relationship through blogging just go away.
Then I ask myself why I do this. What has kept me writing every day for over 7 years? Am I just so starved for attention that I am willing to spill my guts every day just to get a comment or two? Or am I a bit of a exhibitionist, putting it out there – here’s my life, my psychic “private parts!” Do I crave some sort of phony intimacy with people I interact with only through a monitor and keyboard?
There are two people who still post every day (except for exceptions), and comment regularly. These two (Dave in Texas and Mary in Africa), I feel that I do have relationships with. Syd religiously comments, which I can’t tell you how much I appreciate, but now has started blogging less regularly. I seldom comment on his blog because his is written from an alanon lens, and I frequently find myself a contrarian as an alcoholic.
I had a “successful” blog and walked away from it. I couldn’t take the heat from it. The nasty comments that were left anonymously in the middle of the night. The comments from AA know-it-alls lecturing me on the errors of my ways. Most of them brought out the worst in me… “Oh yeah? Tell me about it when YOU are sober 28 years!” Etc. It wasn’t pretty. It was worth leaving all the good stuff to get away from that.
The truth is, I like to sit in the morning with my coffee and read blogs. I like to write every day. I also really like comments, but I seem to have mostly silent readers. I wonder why I don’t just get a nice leather bound journal and write on it every day with a pen and ink. I know the reason for me is that I am craving the community of bloggers.
I’m not threatening to go away. I’m just processing what sometimes confuses me. And causes me to be late for the bus – in the snow – on a day when I really have to be there on time… Thus I shall go!
O give thanks to the Lord, call on his name, make known his deeds among the peoples! Sing to him, sing praises to him, tell of all his wonderful works? Glory n his holy name; let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice! — Psalm 105:1-3